


Heart of Chaos

by vanessainthesky



Series: Magick [1]
Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Multi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-21
Updated: 2018-05-11
Packaged: 2018-11-03 05:53:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 27,402
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10961046
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vanessainthesky/pseuds/vanessainthesky
Summary: No young man, no matter how great, can know his destiny. He cannot glimpse his part in the great story that is about to unfold. Like everyone, he must live and learn. And so it will be for the young warlock arriving at the gates of Camelot. A boy that will, in time, father the legend. His name ... Merlin.





	1. The Call of the Blood

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First chapter. So, I'm changing up the story a bit in terms of relationships. Freya (the lil monster Merlin saved/Lady of the Lake) is not going to be the same Freya like in the show. There's going to be a few new characters, Gwen isn't going to like Arthur until later on in the show and yes, Arthur is going to like Merlin very very much. Because of the customs and behavior of this particular century, i'm not going to have them "be together" very soon. Plus, Arthur is a prince and he has obligations. :)  
> I'm not going to put all the episodes here and some episodes are going to be written over a few chapters.

_No young man, no matter how great, can know his destiny. He cannot glimpse his part in the great story that is about to unfold. Like everyone, he must live and learn. And so it will be for the young warlock arriving at the gates of Camelot. A boy that will, in time, father the legend. His name ... Merlin._

****

****

Merlin arrived at the gates of Camelot early in the morning as he promised Gaius in his letters. He pulled the straps on his bag a little tighter and brushed off his clothes, trying to make a good impression. But as he entered the town’s main alley, he tripped on a log and fell face first in a crate of apples. The vendor started cursing him and shooing him away to check the state of his fruits. Merlin muttered some apologies and sat up, brushing leaves off his clothes. He heard a giggle next to him and he turned, prepared to snap at the offender. But he stopped short when he saw a dark-haired girl standing next to him with a little basket full of flowers in her hands. She was wearing a light purple dress that looked worn, but clean. She was obviously a servant. “I’m sorry.”she said putting a hand over her mouth to stifle her giggles. “I didn’t mean to laugh. It’s just that I never saw anyone to trip over that log. You must be new. I’m Gwen, Lady Morgana’s servant. What is your business in Camelot if you don’t mind my asking?”

He smiled at the girl. She was very pretty and very kind. He debated in his head how much he should tell her. Nice or not, she would not hesitate to tell on him. He rubbed his arm shyly, his lack of experience with people showing it’s ugly head. “I’m here to talk with the court physician. My mom, well, she sent Gaius a letter and he accepted. Well, I hope he will accept me as a pupil. I wanted to learn.”

Gwen smiled. “I know Gaius. He’s kind, he’ll help you. Well, I have to go, my Lady awaits me. Can you find Gaius? I can show you where he is.”

“No, I’m good. Go, I don’t want you to be in trouble because of me. I’ll ask a guard. I’m Merlin, by the way.”

She waved. “Bye Merlin. See you later, then.” He waved back. He really hoped that she’ll see him later. Camelot, as ironic as It was, it was his only shot at living a normal life and also learning more about his gifts. He only hoped he could keep it a secret.

 

Merlin wasn’t a normal boy. He had magic. And not any kind of magic. He didn’t need spells or amulets to do magic. It was instinctual. He just ... Did it. His mother figured it out when he stopped a jug from crashing on the floor just with his mind. And that wasn’t all. He could light fires, he could open locked doors and do so much more just by wishing it.

Merlin was indeed a special boy. Hunith thought it was a bit ironic how every mother wishes her child to be special and here she was, with a extraordinary son, wishing he was ordinary.

King Cenred wasn’t exactly against magic, like Uther Pendragon, but in their small village, people talked. And they didn’t like when someone was better. And Merlin was better. Maybe if it would have been something else, but since Uther banned magic and deemed every one with magic evil, everyone became wary of it. Hunith couldn’t believe that her son will be evil no matter what. And she wanted more for him. She wanted him to become something.

Suggesting Camelot had been hard for Hunith. Merlin wanted her to be happy, but he was barely 16 and he didn’t know everything. He was too young and too innocent and he believed everyone was good. Sending him to Camelot felt like a death sentence to Hunith, but she hoped that Gaius would take care of him and not let him get hurt. Or killed.

 

Merlin wasn’t stupid. He knew magic was banned in Camelot. He didn’t want to lose his head. But he didn’t want to completely ignore his magic either. Banned or not it was part of him. Like his arms and legs. He just had to be careful. Very careful.

 

He headed towards the gates of the castle, trying to not fall on his face again. The castle was so big he couldn’t even see all of it from the market. He felt a bit self-conscious about his ratty clothes, but at least they were clean. He took a deep breath as he entered the gates. One of the guards turned to him. “State your name and business.” he said.

Merlin swallowed his nerves. “Um, Merlin. I’m here to see Gaius, the court physician.”

The guard pointed to a corridor to his left. “Follow that corridor, go to the third floor and then take the next right. It’s a black door.”

Merlin nodded, thanked the guard and followed his instructions. He really hoped Gaius was home and expecting him. His mother sent Gaius a letter when Merlin left home, but he didn’t know if it reached Gaius or not. He reached the black door. On a golden plaque that looked worn with time, but still beautiful, he could read the words ‘COURT PHYSICIAN’. He took another deep breath and knocked. Silence. He tried the door and saw that it was unlocked. Whispering a silent prayer, he opened it and entered. “Gaius? Yo-your door was open.” He looked around, but he didn’t see anything. Then he looked up and saw an old man standing on a wooden ladder and organizing a shelf with glass bottles. “Gaius?” Merlin shouted a little louder. Gaius turned quickly and slipped.

Everything froze. Merlin’s hand shot out. The bed flew from the other side and Gaius fell on it. The world resumed the natural speed. His heart was beating fast and he felt his bones hum with magic. He felt so powerful.

Gaius on the other side was angry. “How did you do that?” he barked at Merlin trying to stand up. “Where did you learn that?” he said.

“No-nowhere.” Merlin said, tripping on his words. “I didn’t study it anywhere. I was born like this. Please don’t say anything. Uther will have my head.”

Gaius wasn’t convinced. “Nobody was born with it. It takes years to reach that level. Did you say an incantation in your head?” Merlin denied.

Gaius looked at him with distrust. “Who are you?”

“Merlin.” Merlin said shaking with fear and exhaustion.

At that Gaius smiled and hugged him. “Hunith’s son? Why didn’t you say that sooner? I thought you were a stray. But you were supposed to arrive Wednesday.”

Merlin lifted an eyebrow. “It is Wednesday.”

Gaius frowned. “Oh, fine then. Sorry, I was researching some potions and I lost track of time.” Merlin nodded and looked around. The room was pretty big, not fancy, but clean and organized. Gaius showed him another door. “That is your room.” he said. Merlin went there and opened the door. The second room was smaller and with less furniture, but cozy. It had one bed, a wardrobe and a little table with a chair. He felt happy with the arrangement. It wasn’t much, but it was all he needed. He set down his things and got out. Gaius handed him a basket like he saw that girl holding in the market and a few coins. “Fetch me some tomatoes.” Merlin nodded, grabbed the basket and got out. He took the same route and exited the castle. He found a nice lady selling tomatoes, grabbed a few and paid for them and then walked around a bit to get acquainted with Camelot. As he walked back to the castle he saw Gwen again. She was talking with a very beautiful girl, just a couple of summers older than Merlin. She was obviously someone important. Her red dress was beautiful and she was wearing a long, golden necklace. Gwen spotted him and waved. He waved back. The woman next to Gwen noticed. She eyed him with interest and motioned for him to come to her. He took another deep breath and walked towards them. Gwen introduced him. “Lady Morgana, this is Merlin, Gaius’s servant. Merlin, this is Lady Morgana.”

Merlin bowed his hand, took her arm and kissed it. Her skin was soft like silk. She giggled. “A gentleman, I see. Gaius is very lucky to have you.”

“I sure hope I will prove to be worthy. His reputation precedes him.”

Morgana nodded excitedly. “He treated me, actually. He is very talented. A dear friend of mine. I shall put in a good word for you.”

“And I shall be forever in your debt.”

Morgana waved him off. “I’d love to help. Well, you better be on you way. You don’t want to be late.”

Merlin nodded. “See you around, Merlin.”Gwen said smiling. He smiled back and entered the castle.

Gaius was reading something when he entered. “Put it down and come here.” he told Merlin. Merlin put the basket on a little table and sat down next to Gaius. Gaius showed him a old-looking book, with metal locks and yellowed pages. It was big and heavy. “This is a book of magic, Merlin. I was given this when I was young. I want you to study this. You have great power, but you can do so much more than you know.”

Merlin nodded. “I will study every word.”

“And be careful. Hide it where no one can find it. I don’t think I have to tell you how dangerous it is to have this book.”

Merlin nodded. “I know.”

Gaius smiled. “Good. Now, I need your help with some potions.”

 

When Merlin finished his work that night he was exhausted. Gaius had him take four trips in the market for different supplies and another three in the woods for some curious looking plants that Merlin was scared to touch for more than a few moments. After that he scrubbed the floors, resisting the urge to just magic it clean and read a bit from the book of magic Gaius gave him.

All in all, it was a good day. He felt tired, but it was a good kind of tired. It made him happy the way working the small patch of land he had back in his village with his mother made him feel. Fulfilled. Like he found his place in the world.

 

The middle of the night found him awake and staring out of the window. He feel asleep when he climbed into bed, but he woke up a short while later. The full moon was high up on the sky and the light was so bright it felt like it was daylight in is room. His skin tingled and he could actually feel his blood hum in his veins. It felt like he was suddenly on fire. He looked down and saw a flash of red standing next to a tree in the woods. He stared for a few moments until the red started moving and a girl stepped out. Merlin’s mouth dropped open. It was Morgana. She seemed to be glowing in the moonlight. Merlin’s heart raced as she lifted he eyes up, saw him and motioned for him to come down. Mechanically, he put on a coat and shoes, opened the door, threw a glance at Gaius to make sure he was sleeping and made his way out of his chambers and into the hallways. The guards didn’t stop him when he got out so he went around the castle and saw Morgana waiting for him near the same tree. He felt a little twitchy and had to shake his hands a few times to expel some of that energy. He didn’t want his magic to get out of control.

“Beautiful night, isn’t it?” Morgana called when he got close enough to hear her. He nodded. “I couldn’t sleep, so I thought a walk might help. Mind joining me? I don’t fancy walking alone through this dark woods.”

Merlin nodded again. She took the lead, taking Merlin through a different path than the ones he took to get Gaius what he wanted. She seemed to know where she was going. “You go around here often?” he asked.

Morgana nodded. “Yes. Unfortunately, my sleeping problems occur more often than I’d like. Gaius has given me every cure that exists, but nothing helps for more than a few nights. I feel sorry for him. I’m a very stubborn patient.”

“I’m sure that’s not true.”

“Oh, but it is. Whenever Arthur gets sick, Gaius cures him in moments. My sicknesses seem to be more resistant.”

“They don’t want to leave you. I don’t blame them.”

Morgana giggled. “Oh, such a pretty way to put it. Thank you. You make me feel so much better about this.”

“Well, I do aspire to be a physician some day so I have to get used to comfort the patients. Nobody wants to be told that they’re going to die in a grumpy way. It makes it so unpleasant.”

Morgana clapped. “Oh, you are a peach. I’m so glad you decided to come to Camelot. I must say things were getting rather boring. Arthur is all grown up now and he doesn’t have time for me anymore. Uther is grooming him to become the next king and everything is about that. I’ve been feeling a bit neglected.”

“Well, Arthur seems to not know his priorities. No kingdom is worthy enough to leave a girl like you in the arms of boredom.”

Morgana smiled. “Maybe you and Arthur should have a chat. He could learn a lot from you.”

Merlin bowed his head. “I thank you for your kind words, but I’m just a lowly servant. I know nothing of the real world. That is one of the things I wanted to learn here.”

“Well, you are in good hands. Gaius is the best I’ve seen. Camelot attracts a large number of people of all talents and I’ve never seen a man who knows his way around herbs and potions as Gaius does. Maybe it’s his age and experience. He’s had years to learn.”

Merlin nodded and when he looked up he saw the castle. They had in a circle around the castle. Merlin had to remember that route if he ever felt like not sleeping. Morgana yawned and Merlin started feeling tired too. “Thank you for walking with me. It really helped.”

Merlin bowed. “Your welcome, My Lady.”

“Good night, Merlin. Sleep well.”

“You, too, My Lady.”

He watched Morgana walk inside the castle. She looked so graceful and royal in her long red dress. He wondered if making such high placed friends will hinder his desire to keep his magic hidden. Wouldn’t it be better if he was a shadow?

On instinct he looked up and saw a boy stare down at him. He was blond, about twenty one and dressed only in a pair of cashmere sleep pants. He was muscled, but not overly so, more lean. Merlin guessed that was Arthur. He bowed his head a little, not breaking eye contact. Arthur nodded and then pushed the curtains closed. Merlin wondered again what he had gotten himself into.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leave me a comment telling me what you think :)


	2. The Great Dragon

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah, I love Merlin. He's such a dork. :))

“Merlin! Get your butt out here, now!” Gaius yelled as Merlin finished lacing up his shoes.

“Butt on route!” he shouted back, putting on his coat and opening the door at the same time.

“Hello!” he heard a female voice say. Merlin tripped in his haste to turn around and nearly fell on his face again, but this time he managed to straighten himself. He looked up and saw Gwen sitting on a chair and keeping a hand on her mouth to stifle her giggles. “Are you okay?” she managed to get out though giggles.

Merlin sighed. “Yes. I’m fine.”

Gaius coughed. “If you two are done, Gwen needs to pick up some dresses for Morgana. Go help her, the things are heavy.”

Merlin rolled up his sleeves, did a few squats and rubbed his hands. Gwen was almost rolling off her chair, she was laughing so hard. Even Gaius had a small smile playing on his lips. “I’m ready.”

That’s when someone knocked on the door. “Enter.” Gaius said and immediately after the door opened to reveal Morgana, dressed in a yellow dress, looking like the sun itself.

“Sorry to disturb. I was wondering if you had finished my sleeping potion. I was going to tell you not to bother with it anymore because I’ve slept very well last night and I want to see if this miracle continues.” She stopped when she saw Gwen laughing. “Gwen, darling, are you ok? Did I miss something?”

Merlin smiled. “Just me pretending I’m funny. Nothing special.”

Morgana grinned. “Well, if you say so. I won’t keep you any longer, I’m sure you are busy. Gwen, come by my chambers when you are done with your tasks. I require your opinion on a dress. Arthur has been most unhelpful.”

“Well, he is a man. They know nothing about dresses beyond how to take them off most efficiently.”

Morgana nodded, but Merlin’s mouth dropped open. He was a bit shocked as to how casual Gwen and Morgana were around each other. Gwen drank some water and stood up. “Well, shall we?”

Merlin straightened himself, took Gwen’s hand and twirled her around, winning a few giggles from both her and Morgana.

“Onto the markets!” he proclaimed, marching off with a giggly Gwen behind him. “Stop laughing woman. These are not light maters. Lady Morgana’s dresses are not to be ridiculed.”

“Truer words never spoken.” they heard behind them. Morgana followed them outside. Merlin turned his head and smiled at her. “You shall join us on our adventure then? I must warn you, dangerous things are to be met ahead.” Morgana put a hand on her mouth to stifle her giggles. “One should thread carefully that enemy land.”

Morgana coughed a few times to stop from laughing and wiped a few tears from her eyes. “I’m sure Gwen and I’ll be fine. We have to you to protect us.”

“A mighty warrior, no doubt.” Gwen added.

Merlin grinned. “That I am, no reason to be modest. No fear, my ladies. You are in good hands.” He marched ahead, followed by Gwen and Morgana who were now holding hands and laughing behind him. “Quiet, lovely maidens. The enemy must not know we are here. We shall be inconspicuous.”

The girls nodded and tried to regain their seriousness, but started laughing again when Merlin started strutting outside, with his chest puffed up and his hands held in fists by his side. Morgana took one of his arms and Gwen latched on to the other. “My hero!” Morgana sighed letting her head drop in his shoulder. She was a bit shorter than him, but her shoes had higher heels today and it made almost as tall as him.

The market was busy and Merlin had to stop playing around and be serious as Morgana lead him and Gwen to her favorite dress shop. As soon as they arrived, a short man stumbled outside with two large boxes. Merlin and Gwen waited outside while Morgana chatted with the man who was apparently the seamstress’s husband.

“You seem to fit in rather well. I’m glad.” Gwen said, sitting down on one of the boxes. She was so light, the box didn’t even bend when she sat on it.

Merlin smiled. “Yes, I didn’t expect it, but Camelot feels strangely homely. I expected I was going to miss my village, but Gaius reminds me of my mom with his fussing over me and the woods are similar to the ones behind my house.”

Gwen nodded. “It’s nice that you adjusted well. I have seen countless servants move in from different villages, a lot of them being Arthur’s servants. They never felt like home here and, of course, Arthur didn’t help with his over-inflated sense of importance.”

Merlin grinned. “He’s that bad?”

Gwen rolled her eyes. “Worse. You should hear the stories Morg…”

“You are more useless than a broken tree branch!” a voice interrupted Gwen from her angry rant. Merlin looked around to see where it came from. “I can’t believe father found you suitable. Can you even do anything right?”

Merlin stood on his toes and managed to see a blond head stomping in his direction, followed by a another blond head and a few dark haired heads. He stood down next to Gwen as the crowd parted for the newcomer. Prince Arthur Pendragon himself. He was followed by who Merlin assumed was his servant and a few of the king’s guards. “I’m sorry, my Lord.” was saying the blond servant boy, over and over. He was struggling to carry about three boxes. Just as he said those words, he dropped one of the boxes.

“My God!” Arthur yelled, turning to the frightened young man. He was shaking so bad he had trouble lifting up the box. “This must be one of my father’s punishment.”

“Maybe if you would stop from assaulting the poor boy for two moments you would notice that those boxes are too heavy for him to carry alone. Surely you can afford another helper.” Merlin said, unable to contain himself. He never cared for bullies.

“Merlin, he’s the Prince” Gwen whispered, hiding herself behind Merlin.

Arthur turned around to see who dared to criticize him. At the same time Morgana came out of the shop to see what the commotion was all about. “Do you know who you’re talking to?” Arthur asked slowly, enunciating each word like he was talking to a baby. It made Merlin see red.

“Yes, Prince Arthur. I know exactly who I am talking to. And I see that your royal status has made you unaware of the physical human limitations so let me refresh them in your mind. You cannot force someone to carry weight past their physical breaking point no matter how much you berate them.”

“Well, since you are so helpful, why don’t you go and help him?” Arthur said, snapping his fingers. Merlin got up to do it, just to prove a point, but a slender hand with red painted nails wrapped around his shoulder and pushed him back down on the box next to Gwen.

“He will do no such thing. Merlin is busy.” Morgana said. “As for you, Merlin is right, ignorance is not very royal, my dear Prince.” she motioned for a guard to help Arthur’s servant. “There, problem solved. Move along, people, nothing to see here.”

Everyone dispersed, going back to their businesses. Arthur scowled, but left, followed by his servant who was now only carrying two boxes and his guards.

“Oh my Lord, that was either the bravest or the stupidest thing ever.” Gwen said, throwing her hands around Merlin.

Morgana nodded. “I agree. While you might be right, Arthur is a Prince.”

“I know. I just never could stand bullies.” Merlin said. Morgana nodded and patted his back. Gwen and Merlin picked the two boxes and followed Morgana back to the castle. They went up the stairs to Morgana’s chambers and she held the door open for them. From what he could see, Morgana’s room looked like a room fit for a queen, all golden curtains, silk sheets and oak tables.

“Thank you so much, Merlin.” Morgana said, putting a hand on his arm.

Merlin felt suddenly shy at the display of affection, but Gwen wasn’t paying attention and there was no one there. He nodded and bowed his head. “You’re welcome, My Lady.” He extricated himself out of her hold and bowed again. “Good day, My Lady. Bye Gwen.”

He exited the room and made his way down to Gaius’s room. Before he could walk inside, someone stopped him.

“So, we meet again.” Arthur said, leaning casually on the wall. Merlin sighed, closed the door and turned to face his nemesis.

“Apparently, yes, because God hates me.”

Arthur grinned. “Stupid what you did in the market. Brave, but stupid. My servant is my servant, not your care and not yours to worry about. I know what he can and can’t do and if he wouldn’t listened to me when I told him how to evenly distribute the weight of the boxes on his shoulders, he would have been fine. But he was busy staring at a certain Lady who so graciously took you under her silk covered wing.”

“Still doesn’t give you the right to treat him like dirt. He’s a human being.”

“Who is supposed to help me rule a kingdom. What if my father dropped dead this second and I became king? Should I put the affairs of the kingdom on hold because my servant is too busy fantasizing about women over his station to brink me my clothes?”

Merlin had a small smile playing on his lips. Arthur looked important, but he was nothing but a spoiled brat who was playing at the grown-up table. “Ok, fair point.” Merlin said, shrugging. He didn’t want to continue this conversation anymore. Arthur was giving him a headache.

“Ok?” Arthur said, looking surprised.

“Yes, ok. You’re right. I stepped over the boundaries and messed with things before I knew the whole picture, for which I am sorry. I felt bad for your servant, but I should have listened to your point of view, too. You’re right.”

“Oh.” Arthur said, clearly not expecting this line of conversation. “Yes, well, apologies accepted.”

Merlin grinned. “Thank you. May I go back to my duties? I’m sure Gaius had a long list of herbs he need me to gather.”

Arthur blushed a little. “Yes, of course. You may go.”

“My Lord.” Merlin said, bowing his head and going inside the room. He felt strangely giddy after that encounter. He expected Arthur to be as ruthless as his father, but he was just a little boy who got mad when he didn’t get his favorite toy. It was adorable, really.

 

The rest of the day passed in a blur of activity. Gaius once again gave him a long list of chores and once again he felt exhausted, but happy at the end of the day. Gaius knew so many thing, both about magic and the normal things and Merlin felt so privileged to be able to call him master. Not that Gaius accepted. He didn’t want Merlin to feel like a servant.

“Here, eat up, you need your strength for tomorrow.” Gaius said when they finished they’re work for the day. He put a plate with a few tomatoes, some break, a few slices of cheese and a chicken leg in front of Merlin. Merlin thanked him and dug in, feeling more hungry than ever. “Morgana talked to me today when you were out. She told me you gave Arthur a lecture.”

Merlin rolled his eyes. “I’ve already apologized to the brat for that. Don’t worry, I’m forgiven.”

“Well, that’s good, but I must insist you never do that again. You need to keep in the shadows, my dear boy. That’s the best way to ensure nobody learns of your secret.”

Merlin nodded, picking at his chicken leg. He suddenly didn’t feel as hungry as before. “I know.” he answered. And he did. He did know very well what would happen if somebody outside of Gaius, Hunith and his best friend Will found out about his powers. No, that will not do. He was rather fond of his head and would not want it hanged on a pole.

“Good.” Gaius said and changed the subject.

 

Back in his bed a few hours later, Merlin fell asleep, but was woken up by a voice.

“Emrys.” the voice said. He blinked and looked around trying to pinpoint the location of the voice, but nobody was in his room. He laid back down trying to fall asleep again, when he heard the voice again, saying the same thing. This time he was wide awake so he couldn’t blame it on a dream anymore. He stood up, put his boots and a coat on and opened the door. Gaius was fast asleep so he wasn’t the source of the voice. He got out and looked around, but the hallways were empty. “Emrys.” the voice continued.

Merlin thought it came from the left so he followed it. He had no idea where he was going because he didn’t have that much time to familiarize himself with the castle so he hoped he wasn’t going to get lost. The voice started again, this time from the right. Merlin walked in silence for a few moments, straining his eyes to see where he was going, but all of the hallways were the same. After some time, he reached a big room. There was a metal gate at the other end and two guards, playing cards. He figured whoever called this Emrys person was behind those gates. Merlin debated for a few moments whether he should go mess with those things or not, but his curiosity outweighed his fear so he decided to check. He hid behind a nook in the wall and lifted his hand in air. Two barrels with what he assumed was wine exploded and soaked the guards in a red liquid. They looked around wildly, pulling out their swords and cursing. One of them started in Merlin’s direction, but then Merlin made a stone move behind the guards so he turned around. The other one went in a different direction. Merlin waited until they were far enough away and then went to the gate. It was closed, but Merlin remembered a spell he read in his magic book. He put a hand on the wardrobe and took a deep breath. “Tospringe.” he whispered. He felt his heart beat faster and his fingers twitched. A wave of warmth passed thought his body. The door opened. He went through and closed it as well as he could. “Ne un clyse.” he whispered, locking the door back in case the guards checked. He went down a set of stairs and picked up a torch from the wall. The stairs seemed to be endless, always twisting around and appearing out of nowhere. After what felt like forever, Merlin finally saw some light. He went though a whole in the wall and stopped short, gawking in wonder. He was staring at a huge cave, with diamond like walls and black stones hanging from the ceiling. He couldn’t even see the floor, it was so deep.

“Hello!” he called. There was silence for a few moments, the a huge roar came and a stone fell from the ceiling. He heard something like wings flapping and suddenly there was a dragon perched on a stone. Merlin’s mouth dropped open and he nearly dropped the torch on his feet. There was a dragon in front of him. He thought dragons were extinct.

“Hello, Emrys.” the dragon said, looking amused. As amused as scaly beast can look.

“How … wha… you… I thoug… I’m not Emrys.” Merlin stuttered before he finally got something out.

“You have many names, Merlin. Emrys is but one of them, the one the druids gave you.”

“How do they know who I am?” Merlin asked, feeling confused.

“Your destiny was prophesied a long time ago, young warlock. They have waited for you for centuries.”

“Why me?”

“Because of your magic, Merlin. You are special. Just how special, that is for you to find out.”

Merlin rubbed his temples. He felt a headache coming up. “What destiny? What are you talking about?”

“I cannot tell you that. It is not wise to know too much of your future, for it will interfere with your present. One thing you must know is that the young prince is a part of it.”

Merlin’s mouth dropped open again. “Arthur? Please tell me you’re joking.”

“Arthur will be the king that will free magic from hate’s grasp. He will unite Albion and once again the likes of you and I will be accepted and respected in Camelot. It is your duty to ensure that nothing happens to him.”

Merlin shook his head. “No. No, no, no, no. That git will not unite anything and he’ll be just like his father when it comes to magic. And I want nothing to do with him.”

“Your destinies are already entwined.”

“Well, de-entwine them, because I won’t do it.”

“Oh, if only we could chose to ignore our destinies so easily. Be aware, your warlock, there are many who aspire to sit in the throne of Camelot. Your failure will result in the death of magic as we know it.” The dragon said and flew away.

“Great!” Merlin shouted after him. “Thanks for ruining my life. I didn’t sign up for this!”

Nobody answered. Merlin hit the torch on the wall in anger and stomped back up the stairs. When he reached the gate, his hand shot out and a few other wine barrels exploded. One of them hit one of the guards in the head. Merlin couldn’t find it in himself to care. He waited until they were gone and made his way back to Gaius’s chambers.

Back in his bed he found himself staring at the moon again. He knew he was special, his mother and Gaius made that very clear. He just didn’t know how special he was. And for a moment he wished he wasn’t. Arthur was the biggest bully he ever met and the idea of helping him was testing Merlin’s limits. He closed his eyes and tried to fall back asleep. Arthur was a problem for another day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leave me a comment and tell me what you think :)


	3. The One and Future King

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look who's posting regularly. BE PROUD OF ME CHILDREN

Merlin felt like someone was hitting him over the head with a hammer while he ate breakfast and could barely make out Gaius’s instructions for that day’s chores. He blinked constantly to try and keep himself awake and drank water like he was dying of thirst in the dessert to try and get his headache down.

“Merlin, are you ok? You look pale.”

Merlin nodded, but his headache intensified. “Mhm.” he grunted, rubbing his temples. His hears started ringing.

“Merlin! Merlin, can you hear me?” Gaius was talking to him, but his voice became distant and Merlin felt himself slip from his chair. His eyes closed and he fainted.

 

“He looks so pale. And he’s burning.”

“I know, I’m doing everything I can to cool him off, but without knowing what caused it, I can’t treat it.”

“And he just dropped? Just like that.”

“Yes. He looked pale all though breakfast, but I thought he was just sleepy. Then he fainted.”

Merlin heard people talking about him and he felt annoyed at that. He was right there. Rude. He tried to open his eyes, but they felt like they were glued together. He finally managed to open them and blinked to clear his vision. Four heads seemed to be floating above him. One was Gwen, next to her was Morgana and on the other side were Arthur’s head and Gaius’s head. Merlin felt confused. Merlin tried to look down and see where their bodies were.

“Merlin!” Gwen shouted and hugged him.

“You gave us quite the scare, young man.” Morgana said.

“I just came to annoy you, really, but I figured your destiny annoyed you enough.”

“Fantastic. Could you please go away, then? I feel like I’m about to throw up and punch something at the same time and I’m not particular whether that something is you or a wall.”

Arthur grinned. “Feel better, Merlin.” he said and waved, cheerily.

After he left, Gwen rolled her eyes. “Ass.” she said.

Morgana laughed. “Agreed.”

Merlin smiled even though his head still hurt. “I also agree, if we’re voting on this.” He tried to stand up, but felt sick immediately and had to lay back down.

“Don’t try to stand. I need to see what happened. When did you start feeling sick?”

“This morning. It started with a headache from when I got up and the progressed to nausea while I was eating. Maybe my stomach didn’t agree with something?” he asked. He hoped it wasn’t something bad. It would be terrible bad luck to get sick so soon after arriving here.

“We’ll see.” Gaius said. Then he turned to the girls. “Don’t let us keep you from your duties, milady. I’ll announce you of his health if you want to know.”

Morgana bit her lip, but nodded. “Gwen, do you want to stay? I can manage on my own if you want.”

Gwen turned to Merlin, who shook his head. He didn’t want her to get behind on her chores and have to do extra hours. “I’m fine, Gwen. There’s nothing you can do or see right now, anyway. Just Gaius being boring and looking up diseases.”

Gwen smiled. “Fine.” she said. “Get well soon, Merlin.”

“I’m trying.”

 

After the girls left, Gaius turned to Merlin. “Did you do any magic? Heavy magic?”

Merlin bit his lip and nodded. He didn’t want to get in trouble for going and seeing thew dragon, but if anyone here would understand, that was Gaius. “Last night I heard a voice saying ‘Emrys’ over and over. I think it was in my head, because nobody else could hear it. So I followed it to a gated room. I distracted the guards by exploding the wine barrels and then opened the door and locked it with spells from your book.”

Gaius interrupted him. “Did you talk to Kilgharrah? The Great Dragon?”

Merlin wasn’t shocked that Gaius knew about the dragon. He knew everything. He was just a bit surprised that Gaius didn’t tell him. “Yes.”

“And here’s your problem. I didn’t want to say anything in front of the girls because then Uther would find out and there would be mayhem in the kingdom. As it happens anytime the word magic is involved. But I tested you for magic and that was the problem.”

“What is?”

“The cave is saturated with magic, Merlin. Your senses were overwhelmed with it. You’ll be fine. You need rest.”

“No, what I need is to go down to the cave and strangle that dragon for not telling me about the repercussions of my visit. And then I need to bring him back and strangle him again for not explaining my destiny properly.”

Gaius paled. “He told you? My God, the danger.”

Merlin rolled his eyes. “Don’t set your hair on fire, he didn’t tell me much. Just some fairytale about Arthur uniting Albion and allowing magic back in Camelot. Like that is going to happen. Arthur is the densest, most ignorant human alive and I shall want nothing to do with him or his destiny.”

Gaius smiled, shook his head and handed Merlin something to drink. “Oh, if only destiny worked that way. But, we needn’t worry about that now. Rest, Merlin. You need your strength back. As for the girls, I will tell them you ate something from the woods that was poisoned.”

Merlin nodded, drinking the blue liquid. After he was done, Gaius took the glass and closed the curtains. Merlin fell asleep immediately after.

 

When he woke up again, the curtains were drawn and outside was dark. He blinked and sat up slowly, smiling when he felt no pain or dizziness. He lifted his hand. “Forbearnan.” he whispered in his palm and a flame grew there, dancing happily on his skin. He smiled and closed his fist, extinguishing it. There was a knock on the door. “Yes?”

“It’s me.” Arthur said. “Can I come in?”

Merlin rolled his eyes. “It’s not like I can say no. Come in.”

Arthur opened the door and then came inside, looking around for a lamp and then lighting it. “How are you?”

Merlin grinned. “Aw, you were worried, that’s sweet. I’m fine.” he said, taking off the covers. He was dressed only in a pair of sleep pants and his hair was ruffled, but he figured since Arthur already saw him when he was unconscious, there was no reason for playing at modesty. Arthur eyes’s flew over his body in a way that made Merlin’s heart speed up. He still couldn’t forget what Kilgharrah said. He had to help Arthur with his destiny. How was he supposed to do that when he was with Gaius all day long.

He put on a shirt and lit a few more candles. “Is there a reason for your presence, milord?” Merlin asked.

Arthur swallowed. “Yes. Um, there’s a ball next week and we’re short on servers. I was going to get some people from the village, but my father suggested I get you. He said that it might be a good introduction in the ways of Camelot for you.”

“Well, how kind of him to care. Send him my sincere gratitude. Shall I dress in a certain way?”

“You’ll receive a uniform.”

“Great.” There was a pause for a few moments while Merlin washed some pots and dried them. “Anything else?” Merlin prompted. Arthur shook his head, but didn’t leave. Merlin grinned. “Really? Because you’re still here.”

Arthur rolled his eyes. “Don’t be rude. I can stay as long as I want. I own this room.”

Merlin nodded, eyes wide. “Certainly. I would like to take a bath, though.” he said, smiling. “Do you intend to watch?”

Arthur blushed and was gone faster than Merlin could say magic. He washed himself in a stone basin, made himself some food and then picked up his magic book. He was about to read from where he left off when someone knocked again. “Yes?”

“Merlin, it’s Morgana. Can I come in?”

Merlin sighed and put his book back in it’s hiding. “Yes.”

Morgana opened the door and walked inside. “Did I come in a bad time?” she asked.

Merlin shook his head and smiled. “No, it’s fine. Arthur was here a while ago.”

Morgana nodded. “Yes, I know. He looked very flustered when I saw him in a corridor. I’m assuming you again proved to be better than him the comeback category.”

“Always.”

“He told you about the ball? Uther thought it would be a good idea. Gaius is a dear friend of his and you become his friend by alliance.”

Merlin wanted to laugh at the irony. He was Uther’s ‘friend’, a child with magic learning spells right under his watchful eyes. “Yes, he told me. I’ll be delighted to help.”

“I’m glad. It’ll be nice to have a friendly face around among all those jackals. Uther wants to secure some alliances and I know he hopes I’ll find someone to share my life with. And of course, make a good alliance.”

“He’s not forcing you to marry someone he wants, then?”

“No, he won’t do that with me. I’m fortunate in that way, I can still marry who I want. Unlike Arthur. Being the future king has it’s perks and disadvantages.”

“Maybe he’s going to fall in love with his future bride.” Merlin said.

Morgana shrugged. “Maybe. I hope so. He’s annoying, but I grew up with him and he is as close to a brother as someone who is not actually my brother can get. Anyway, that’s not why I came here. How are you? Gaius told me you ate something from the forest?”

“I’m fine. Yeah, it looked kind of interesting and I got curious about the taste. Never again.”

Morgana laughed. “Yeah, maybe ask Gaius the next time.”

“That I’ll do.”

 

Morgana left a few moments later. Merlin debated whether he should just go to his room and pretend to sleep in case anyone else decided to visit, but he wasn’t feeling in the mood to read anymore so he got his coat and boots on and went out. The corridors were quiet again and he didn’t meet anyone on his way out. Gaius left him a note saying he was out, treating someone and he’ll be back in the morning. Merlin got outside and took a deep breath. It felt good to be outside in the fresh air. He took a walk around the castle, looking up at the moon and touching the flowers. He felt free, even though he was in a kingdom where almost everyone would want him dead once they knew his secret.

“Can’t sleep?” he heard Arthur’s voice behind him. He took a deep breath and tried to push his annoyance back in it’s place.

“No. I’ve done my share of sleeping for the day.” he answered, turning around. Arthur was dressed only in a white shirt, black pants and black coat. He looked like a normal guy apart from his brown leather boots with gold studs at the rim. “What about you?”

“Dad gave me a lot to do for the ball. I want to finish some things before I go to bed. I took a break to clear my head.”

Merlin nodded. “That’s good.” he answered and started walking again. He wasn’t sure if Arthur would follow, or if he wanted him to follow.

Arthur decided to follow.

Merlin decided he wanted Arthur to follow.

“So, tell me about yourself. Most servants can’t wait to tell me their life stories.”

“I’m not most servants.”

“I’ve noticed. Most servants wouldn’t dare talk back to me.”

“I think we all need a dose of humility. Just to remind us we’re made of flesh and bone. Your flesh and bone is just more expensive than mine, but still flesh and bone.”

Arthur looked at me. “How old are you?”

“Sixteen.”

“You don’t talk like you’re sixteen.”

“My father died when I was young. I had to grow up.”

“I’m sorry. Mother died in childbirth, but at least I never knew her. Can’t imagine spending time with her and then losing her.”

Merlin shrugged. “I didn’t really have time to mourn her. I had to help my mother.”

“How did he die?”

“Hunting accident. He was killed by an animal. They never found his entire body, only parts. I can’t decide if it’s good or bad that we didn’t have a body to burn. Maybe both.” Arthur nodded. “Anyway, how’s life as a prince?”

Arthur rolled his eyes. “Definitely more interesting in theory than in reality. I have a list of things I can and can’t do. Also, I have big shoes to fill. And a reputation I have to uphold.”

“Heavy is the head.” Merlin sighed, trying to sound genuine.

“Don’t mock me. I never said our burdens are equal. You asked, I answered.”

“I appreciate it. I wasn’t trying to mock you. You actually look like a nice person when you aren’t bullying everyone.”

“I’m not a bully.” Arthur said, sighing. “Between us, Alden isn’t a very good servant. He forgets how to do even the simplest of tasks, still hasn’t learn how to do my armor properly after months of being in my service and he is the single most inadequate conversation partner ever.”

“I wasn’t aware your servants need to be conversation partners.”

“It’s not like I have people to talk to. Father is busy with the kingdom, Morgana is usually either in her room or out and about with Gwen, my knights are supposed to protect me not chat with me and all the other servants are doing their jobs. My personal servant is quite literately the only person paid to talk to me.”

“Among other things.”

“Indeed.”

“It must get very boring.”

“Throwing a ball usually helps.”

“And the ladies that come with it.”

“And those.”

Merlin laughed. “You aren’t even denying.”

“Why would I? Everyone knows what happens at the royal balls. Ladies from all over the kingdom looking to bag a prince or a lord and lords trying to get their daughters into my bed as mistresses.”

“Would you do that? I always wondered if that was just a legend. But would you do that? Take a mistress after you get married.”

“Maybe. If my wife agrees. I might not love the woman I’m going to marry, but I will respect her enough to ask for her permission. I’m not my father and never will be.”

“I take it you don’t agree with everything he says.”

“Do you? Does anyone? Nobody can please the whole kingdom. He takes harsh decisions that everyone questions, but to be frank, nobody wants to be him. But, no, that doesn’t mean I agree.”

“You’re thinking about Marcus.”

Arthur nodded. A few days before Merlin arrived in Camelot, a young boy was burned at the stake for practicing magic. He was only five and accidentally burned a little hay stack. He didn’t even know what he was doing. Uther had him killed. “Yes. I always thought father was too harsh with that. Magic practitioners should be only punished if they do something that deserves punishment. Practicing something you were born with shouldn’t be a crime.”

Merlin nearly tripped on his feet. Kilgharrah said Arthur will have a different opinion than his father. He wasn’t sure if he wanted to accept the dragon was right just yet.

“Well, that’s definitely unexpected.”

Arthur grinned. “Yes, maybe it is.”

Merlin looked up and saw that they reached the castle. Part of him wanted to hide in his room and reassess his life and his destiny and part of him wanted to stay out and talk to Arthur some more. Behind the prince, he was actually a decent human being. Arthur seemed to share Merlin’s second wish. He lingered a bit outside of Gaius’s room while Merlin brushed some spider webs from the corner. “Well, good night milord.”

“Good night, Merlin.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leave me a comment and tell me what you think :)


	4. Dancing in the Moonlit Fire

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think i'm going to make Saturday my official posting day for this story and Sunday for the other one.

Preparing for the ball wasn’t easy. Merlin’s clothes were ridiculous and he needed an hour to talk himself into wearing them. He put his hat on and drew it down on his eyes. He wondered if perhaps he could go through the whole ball unnoticed.

“Merlin?” he heard Arthur’s voice behind him. Merlin cursed every one he could curse in his mind and turned.

“Yes?”

Arthur, to his credit, didn’t laugh. Barely. “Well, nice … outfit you got there.”

“Don’t even try.” Merlin warned. Arthur lifted his hands in surrender. “This is the most humiliating outfit in the history of outfits. I’d honestly rather walk in there naked, then wear this monstrosity.” Arthur’s red cheeks brought a smile on Merlin’s face. “Alas, that is not possible, so I’ll make do.”

“Yes, tha-that is going to happen. Um, see you at the ball.” Arthur stammered and then quickly made his way to the ballroom. Merlin rolled his eyes and went by the kitchens because he was supposed to check the food situation and then went in the ballroom. He was very relieved to see that all the male servants were wearing the same uniform as he was. He wouldn’t stand out.

He joined a group of servants who were standing in a corner, drinking something out of goblets and laughing. They quickly introduced themselves to him and made a point of catching him up to all of the court gossip. He tried to look as interested as he could, but gossip wasn’t his thing. Or at least, it wasn’t until he heard one of the servants mention Arthur’s name.

“Excuse me? Can you say that again?” he asked the girl that was talking about the prince.

“What, about Arthur? Yeah, it’s a running rumor that the King of Cadair’s son was banished from Camelot for propositioning Arthur.”

Merlin’s mouth dropped open. The girl went on, glad to have an audience. The rest of the servants were as shocked as Merlin. “You didn’t know? I mean, you wouldn’t of course, you just came here. There was a huge scandal and everyone was wondering why Kelen was banned from Camelot. The official rumor was that Kelen had propositioned Morgana, but I was one of Kelen’s servants and I have never seen him and Morgana be anything more than cordial with each other. Kelen seemed to hate Morgana. I think he was jealous. This was, maybe five summers ago? Arthur was sixteen and Morgana was fourteen and they would spend a lot of time together. I think Kelen was jealous on all the time she had with Arthur.”

“What about Arthur?” a servant asked the question Merlin needed an answer to, but was to scared to answer.

“That’s the thing. Kelen was apparently banned by Uther because felt the same thing. Now, I’m not sure about this, because it’s just rumors, but apparently Arthur had some secret cabin in the woods where he would stay when he was hunting and that’s where he and Kelen would meet up. Between us, I don’t think Arthur would do such a thing. He knows it would not be respectable of him.”

Everyone nodded. Merlin sighed. “So Kelen’s banned for good?”

The girl shrugged. “There are talks of lifting the ban. Morgana apparently is trying to convince her father to lift it. Since they are going with the Morgana story, apparently she wants to bury the hatchet. There were some rumors that Kelen and his father will be invited at Arthur’s birthday ball in two months.”

“Merlin!” Arthur shouted from the other corner of the room.

“Duty calls.” Merlin said. The girls giggled. He bowed at them and made his way towards Arthur. He tried very hard not to look to guilty. He didn’t make a habit out of gossiping, but one couldn’t really expect not to be sucked in occasionally.

“Yes?”

Arthur tapped the man next to him on the shoulder and smiled. The man turned and Merlin nearly lost his hat in his haste to bow. “My King.” he said respectfully.

“Ah, you’re Merlin. Gaius’s new helper, right? He told me you are quite skilled for such a young age. God knows we need all the skilled physicians we can get in these troubled times.”

“King Golord still making you trouble? I had heard he was willing to bow down before you should you wish to relinquish your strict hold on magic.”

Both Uther and Merlin looked impressed. “You heard well.” Uther said. “Alas, I shall not indulge him. Do you have an opinion on that?”

“It is not my place to give you counsel, my King.”

“However, I would like to know. Speak you mind freely.”

“Golord’s daughter was killed by a witch, so I think his claims are very much a ruse. He does want you to relinquish you hold on magic, but not in the name of peace. When I was back in my village, I heard he was scouting the kingdoms for skilled warlocks. I’m guessing that once you allow magic back in Camelot he’ll send warlocks to wreak havoc and paint you as a merciful, but weak king.” Merlin said.

Uther’s mouth dropped open. “That actually makes sense.” Arthur said.

Uther nodded. “We should summon the council after the ball. If Golord has been searching for warlocks someone must have answered that call.”

A servant called Uther and he went to him, leaving Arthur and Merlin alone in the corner. Arthur gave Merlin a weird look. “You’re not like I expected you to be.”

“How did you expect me to be? Stupid?”

“Maybe not so rational. Or interested in the court politics.”

“It is my home now. I am interested in anything that wishes to cause it harm.”

“I appreciate that. If only everyone felt like you.”

“There are a lot of people like me. They just don’t stand out in the same way as I do. I guess I haven’t been here for long enough to learn to fear the royalty and I can say things others don’t dare.”

Arthur frowned. “I don’t want people to fear me. Is that what everyone thinks? They fear me?”

“Not you specifically. More like what you represent. Their livelihood, their safety, their lives are tied to how you perceive them to be. If you think they are treats, they die. If you think they are harmless they live. And they also understand. Nobody would like to be in your place. Or in your father’s name. Everyone would like to have your riches, but nobody would like to have your responsibility.”

The rumors that were discussed in Merlin’s little group chat swam around his mind. Whether or not they true, it was not Merlin’s place to say, but the bottom line was that Arthur’s life was not his. His life belonged to the people. Every choice he had to make was dictated by how it was going to benefit his people and his kingdom. He had no more control over his life than Merlin had. They both lived in a cage; Arthur’s cage was just shinier.

Arthur bit his lip and nodded. “I have to go check somethings.”

Merlin bowed. “Until later.” he said and left. Merlin joined his group again who were in the middle of a very heated conversation about the rumored guests of Arthur’s birthday ball. Apparently, along with Kelen, some princess called Briseis Ferreirra was supposed to come. Her father, Emyr was a friend of Uther and according to Merlin’s group of chatty girl, Uther wanted Briseis, Emyr’s oldest daughter to marry Arthur. Which brought into question if Uther wanted to squash any rumors that might start with the alleged return of Kelen by marrying Arthur to a girl.

Merlin’s head swam with theories by the time the ball started. He had no idea how much people could talk about a single subject before he came to Camelot. Back in is village, there were no parties, no balls. People were always working and when they were not, they were resting, discussing their families, not the royals.

The start of the ball was given by Uther, who held a toast to everyone in the room, expressing his gratitude for everything we’ve done this year to keep Camelot safe and happy. After that there was a feast. Merlin was a little surprised to see that Arthur mostly kept him by his side, sending his manservant around the room and keeping Merlin behind him like a shadow. Uther gave Arthur an amused look, but Arthur ignored it. Merlin tried to, but every time he passes some servants to get Arthur something, they stopped talking and gave him pointed looks. The girls and boys in his group, however, gave him smiles whenever they saw him. It felt nice to have friends.

By the end of the feast, Merlin wanted to hit himself in the head with his tray or drown in the wine barrel. If he had to listen to one more conversation about how pretty the flower arrangement was he was going to strangle himself with the wall decorations.

“You look angry.” Arthur asked joining Merlin in a corner once the tables were cleared and everyone was either in the middle of the room dancing or by the wine tables.

Merlin laughed. “Really?”

Arthur grinned and nodded. “Really. You were frowning. I’m not sure of the direction, but it was somewhere around the wine tables.”

Merlin sighed and rubbed his eyes. “I wasn’t looking there. I was just thinking and my eyes probably fixated on that.”

“Tired?”

“A bit. Gaius had me search for something he needed in the woods and it took me hours and four near-death experiences before I found it.”

Arthur gave him an odd look. “I have no idea whether to be worried or laugh when you talk like that.”

Merlin rolled his eyes. “How about both? You seem like someone who can achieve that feat.”

“Arthur! Come meet someone.” Uther shouted.

“Duty calls.” Merlin said. Arthur looked like he wanted to say something, but changed his mind. Merlin had five blissfully quiet moments in the corner before Gwen sat down next to him.

“Stop being such a recluse and join us. Morgana has talked my ear off about every person in this room. If I suffer, so should you.”

“I fear I may have reached my limit for gossip.”

“Nonsense.” Gwen said, dragging him up and after her. “There’s no such things as a limit for gossip.”

“Clearly.”

Morgana was alone when they reached her, drinking from a goblet. Her eyes were a bit glassy. “Morgana, how many goblets have you drank?” Merlin asked, taking the one she was holding from her. It was half empty.

Morgana frowned. “Five? Maybe. I don’t know. I stopped counting after three.” she answered, with a wave that nearly brought Merlin’s tower of a hat down.

“Mhm, I thought so.” he said. He took a chair from the table and pushed Morgana down. Then filled a goblet with a goblet and hunted the tables for a lemon. When he found one, he cut it up in two and squeezed some in the goblet and gave it to Morgana to drink. Her nose scrunched at the taste, but her eyes were more focused after she finished the drink.

“Thanks.” she said, only slightly slurring her words now.

“Are you ok?” Gwen asked. “I wasn’t going to say anything, but you’ve been chugging wine like water ever since the tables were cleared.

“Not once!” Morgana exploded, attracting some weird looks from the people closest to her. Merlin and Gwen sat down next to her. “Not even once. Look at him, all pride and arrogance. Did he ask me to dance? No! Not even once. He’s been ignoring me and only talking to me when he needs something for ages now.”

Merlin looked in the general direction of where she was looking and saw Arthur dancing with a girl dressed in beautiful lace and velvet golden dress. “I’m sure he thoughts you didn’t want to dance. You did stand in a corner clutching that goblet like it was giving you life.”

“You think?” Morgana asked. “Maybe. You’re right.” She stood up, swaying a little and moved closer to the mass of people dancing. As if called, a handsome Lord took her hand and started spinning her around in circles around the people. A few dance partners later, she was in the middle of the room, dancing with Arthur.

“Wow. Girls.” Merlin said. Gwen slapped him. “I mean, some girls. Present company excluded.”

 

The ball was a raging success. At least for some people. Merlin got bored after the first hour of dancing and started drinking wine. After his sixth goblet he started feeling warm so he took his hat and scarf off. Two glasses later and Gwen was pushing him outside on a dark corridor. His butt felt cold. He looked down. When did he sit down? Gwen was waving a tray in front of him. “Come on, Merlin. Don’t tell me you get drunk after a few glasses of wine.”

“About eight.” Merlin mumbled. The world was spinning. And why was Gwen’s head so big for her body.

“I counted five.”

“You left me for a while.”

“Just a few moments.”

“I drink fast.”

“Oh, for the love of… What’s wrong? I know Morgana’s excuse. What’s yours?”

“Boredom.” Merlin answered, trying to sit up. He fell back down. He heard people coming out and talking, but he couldn’t make out what they were saying. His hand hit a door frame and someone pushed him on a chair. He looked around and saw he was in a very nicely decorated room, similar to Morgana’s. when did he sit up.

“What did he give me?” someone was asking.

“Lemon water.” someone else answered and a few moments later, a glass was pushed in his hand. He drank it in three large gulps. His head hurt.

“Feeling better?” he heard an annoyingly smug male voice.

“Spectacular.” he said, pleased to hear that his voice wasn’t slurred. He wasn’t a stranger to wine. He sat up, putting all his concentration into not falling down and walking like a normal person. “Thanks for taking me out of there. I was about to die of boredom.”

“It seemed like you were about to die from alcohol poisoning.” Arthur answered.

Merlin waved him off. “I can handle wine. I didn’t drink anything before and that’s why I got dizzy.”

“Do you want something? Most of everyone is still at the party so the cooks are pretty much free right now. I can tell them to make you something.”

Merlin yawned. “No thanks, I’m good. If it’s alright with everyone I’m going to go sleep.”

Merlin and Morgana nodded. Gwen looked worried, but she was in minority so Merlin bowed and made his way out of Arthur’s room.

 

The next day brought a few surprises to Merlin’s door. Firstly, Arthur woke him up by barging into his room without knocking. Merlin woke with a start and nearly fell down in his haste to keep himself covered with the blanket. He sat up slowly, keeping the blanket around his legs and midsection. “Morning sunshine. I bring news!” Arthur said, dropping a tray of food on Merlin bed. It shocked Merlin more than seeing Arthur in his room. Prince Arthur of Camelot was serving … him? What?

“Um, and I care because?” Merlin said trying to keep his calm.

“I’ve sent my servant packing. About time, he was awful.”

Merlin nodded, still trying to care. “Um, good for you? Why is it my problems?”

“You know, I talked to my father this morning. I told him, ‘father, you know, I’ve had such bad servants the past few years. All of them were rubbish.’ And he agreed. I’m pretty sure the entire kingdom agreed. So I thought I was high time I get someone somewhat competent.”

Merlin nodded again, feeling slightly angry that Arthur was sitting on his blanket. He was wanted to get up and wash himself so he could eat. “Great. And you want me to help you find someone?”

“No, stupid. I want you to be my servant.”

Merlin was too tired and hungry for that sentence to fully sink in. He wanted to eat and he wanted to go to the bathroom and he wanted to dress himself and holly Jesus, he was naked.

Merlin drew the covers more fully on himself. He had forgotten the fact that he fell asleep naked. He had been too tired and drunk to care. “Sure, yes. I accept. Don’t have much of a choice anyway.”

Arthur smiled widely. “Fantastic.”

“Yes, great. Can you leave?”

Arthur frowned. “I give you great news and you tell me to leave? Rude.”

“By all means, stay all you want. However, I must warn you, I’m quite naked under this blanket.”

Arthur was out of the door faster than the wind. Merlin laughed. He wrapped the blanket around his waist and finished getting ready. He ate his breakfast in front of the window, watching Arthur train with his knights. After he was finished he sat up and was about to go wash his plate when Arthur looked up. A wave of warmth went through Merlin’s body and he was reminded yet again of his destiny. Now, he had no excuses. Arthur made him his manservant which meant that he would spend more time with Arthur than virtually anyone in this kingdom save for his future wife. If anyone had more opportunities to help Arthur unite Albion and let magic back in Camelot, he was the one.

Stupid dragon and his stupid prophecies.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leave a comment and tell me what you think :)


	5. Whispers of Paradise

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I got a job as a cashier and let me tell you, i hate people!! And i have three night shifts one after another

First day as Arthur’s manservant was … interesting. He helped Arthur get dressed for a meeting with some important people, he brought him lunch, cleaned his room, made his bed and made sure his dinner was on time. It was definitely a lot of work, more than for Gaius. And Gaius didn’t leave him alone either. Whenever he was free from his duties for Arthur, Gaius sent him on trips to the market, the woods and to clients to deliver medicine. When he finally went to bed late in the night, he was so tired he wasn’t tired anymore. He wasn’t sure how that made sense, but it did. He laid down in his bed and watched the moon. He felt antsy again. Itchy. His blood hummed in his veins and he felt like he needed to do something, but he didn’t know what.

After a few minutes of feeling like he had bugs crawling under his skin he went outside and started walking through the woods. He found a hidden path while he was searching for something for Gaius and he was curious to see where it took. He grabbed a stick and lit it on fire with his magic, after checking to make sure he was alone. The path looked worn, like many feet found their way down there, but it was getting faded, like nobody walked on it in a while. Merlin lifted the stick high in the air to see farther and after a few minutes he reached a little wooden cabin. He stopped short in front of the door, the cabin being so dark he nearly ran into it. He wondered if this was Arthur’s legendary hunting cabin where he and Kelen apparently met up. He tried the door and he saw that he was open. After extinguishing the flaming stick he went inside. First thing he did was to light up the candles that were all over the place and then he looked around. There was a big, but simple bed, a table with a chair, a little wardrobe and a wooden basket full of hunting gear. Merlin nosed around the for a few more minutes and was about to open the wardrobe when he heard his name being called.

“Merlin.”

He jumped around, almost hitting a candle and burning the whole cabin down. “Holly Saints, make some noise! My heart almost stopped.” he said, glaring at the intruder.

Arthur walked inside looking like he owned the place (which he did) and stared at Merlin with a smile. “My apologies.” he said sarcastically. “What exactly are you doing in my cabin?”

“It’s yours? I had no idea.” he lied. “I was walking around and quite literally stumbled upon it. You should really make it a little bit more obvious, I nearly walked into the door.”

Arthur rolled his eyes. “It’s supposed to be invisible, genius. Otherwise everyone would see it. Maybe you should pay more attention. I mean, it’s a giant wooden room. I’m not sure how it can get more obvious than this.”

Merlin sat down on the bed and redid his laces. “Yeah, whatever. So what is this place, anyway?”

“My hunting cabin. If I ever go hunting and I run out of something I need, it’s usually here. Also, a place to sleep in case of a rain, or storm.”

“Hm, handy.” Merlin said laying down on the bed. The ceiling had stars painted on it. “Love the stars. Really artistic.”

“My idea.” Arthur said. Merlin turned his had slightly and saw Arthur’s eyes fixated on something. That’s when a gust of air came from the open door and he felt it on his skin. His blouse had rolled up and a bit of his skin was visible. He suddenly realized he was alone with Arthur, on his bed, in the middle of the night. His heart raced at the thought.

He got up quickly and smoothed down his clothes. “Well, good chat. I have to go so I can actually get some sleep this night.”

Arthur looked like he wanted Merlin to stay, but he didn’t stop him. Merlin was grateful for that.

 

The next morning, Arthur was quiet while Merlin helped him dress and brought out his food. “I have some meetings today, so you’re free until mid-afternoon.” was all that Arthur said before he left in a hurry.

Merlin sighed, cleaning the table and then making his way down to his room. Gaius wasn’t there when he came in, so he took the opportunity to do some reading. He tried out a few spells, mostly harmless ones. Gaius came back while he was in the middle of levitating a broom.

“Going well?” he asked.

Merlin nodded, bringing the broom down, gracefully. “Yeah. All of the spells I tried are really simple, though, they’re kind of bound to be good.”

“Everyone starts from simple things, Merlin. Even the simple things are important.”

Merlin nodded and sighed. “Hey, have you heard anything related to Arthur, Kelen and a mysterious cabin in the woods?”

Gaius was suspiciously quiet, while he was chopping potatoes. “I might have.”

“Because I found the cabin.”

Gaius looked up. “Oh. When?”

Merlin took a bite from an apple. “Last night. Couldn’t sleep so I took a walk. Arthur found me.”

“What did he say?”

“Not much. Told him I didn’t know it was his. He explained that it was for hunting.”

“Mhm.”

Merlin grinned. “Yeah, it wasn’t like he was going to spill all of his secrets to me. The bed was comfy, though.”

Gaius dropped the knife. “The what now?

Merlin laughed. “Relax, I just sat on it to tie my boots.”

Gaius rolled his eyes and went on to chop. “I don’t really care, or judge whatever it is that you do in your private time, or who you do it it. But I must warn you. Keep it to someone who is your own station. Take Lady Morgana, for instance. She’s a nice, lovely lady. But that’s the catch. She’s a Lady.”

“Oh sweet saints, relax. I’m not really thinking about that right now. Can you imagine having to hide my powers while being in a relationship?”

Gaius put the knife down and looked at Merlin. “You’re not going to have to hide forever, you know that, right?”

Merlin shrugged. “We’ll see.”

Gaius looked like he wanted to say something, but thought better. He gave Merlin a basket and some coins and sent him on the hunt for something called belladonna.

“Merlin!” he heard right as he was about to exit the castle. He turned around and saw a servant girl dressed in a faded blue dress hurry after him.

“What?” he asked.

“There’s an emergency. People were found dead in the Forest of Ascetir. Druids. Uther sent Arthur and the knights to investigate and Arthur wants you to go with them.”

Merlin sighed and nodded. He gave the basket and the pouch with the money to the servant girl and instructed her to take them to Gaius and then made his way to the throne room. When the guards opened the door and he stepped inside, he saw that there were no servants apart from him there. Five knights in their armor were standing in front of table. On the other side were Uther and Arthur. A couple of important looking people were in a corner and Uther was talking.

Arthur was the first to look up. He smiled at Merlin and motioned for him to join them. Uther also looked up and nodded at Merlin, who bowed his head at them. “Merlin.” Uther acknowledged him.

“You wanted to see me, Sire?” Merlin asked Arthur.

Arthur nodded. “Yes, I thought it was going to be a good lesson for you. You can expect many similar trips in the future.”

“I understand.” Merlin answered. “What exactly happened? Where are we going?”

“Forest of Ascetir.” Uther answered, turning the map to face Merlin. He pointed to a cluster of trees. “Right there is where five druids were found dead in their camp. Gruesome dead, I might add. I don’t accept magic in my kingdom, but at least fire is clean.”

Merlin struggled to keep his face neutral. “You are very right, my lord. If it helps, I happen to know this forest. I went through it when I came to Camelot.”

Uther nodded. “That helps greatly.” he pointed to a wavy line. “That is a road that usually smugglers use, so try to avoid it. We can’t be sidetracked.”

Merlin traced a path with his finger. “This the way I took. It’s fairly hidden and I haven’t seen anyone when I was there, so I think it could be a good way. From here, we can take this turn and it should take us straight to the druid camp.” he said. Merlin looked up to see Uther talking with the knights and Arthur stare at him. He gave Arthur a smile, that quickly fell off his face once Uther turned his attention to Arthur and him.

“How fast can you get ready?”

“Two hours.”

“Good. Leave as soon as you can.”

Arthur nodded and left the room, motioning for Merlin to follow him. When Merlin reached Arthur’s room, Arthur was already throwing things into a bag. “Pack light.” Arthur said. “Just a few clothes.” Merlin nodded and turned to leave when Arthur called his name again. “Merlin? Are you ok? With this trip?”

Merlin turned and nodded. “Yes, of course. I mean, why would I be scared? I have the high and mighty of the Camelot ready to protect me.”

Arthur grinned. “Yes, you’re very lucky.”

Merlin smiled. Indeed, however you looked at it, Merlin was very lucky. He put a hand on Arthur arm. “I know.” Arthur looked down and smiled. Merlin left. He went back to Gaius’s chambers and after a quick explanation, he packed a bag and hurried outside. He helped the stable boys prepare the horses and then went by the kitchens to get some food for the road. By the time Arthur and the knights came outside, the seven horses were all saddled and lined up in front of the castle, Merlin standing between the two middle horses, a black one and a white one. The white horse, Calayan kept poking Merlin’s shoulder with it’s nose. Merlin gave it a quick kiss on the head and patted his hair. “Calm, Cal. Calm, you’re going to run soon enough.”

“He likes you. That’s surprising.” one of the knights pointed out. Merlin rolled his eyes. “No, really. Calayan doesn’t like anyone, but Arthur.”

“Well, I am Arthur’s servant.” he petted the horse some more. “Who’s a good boy and won’t kick me off? You are.”

Arthur climbed the black horse. “Stop talking like an idiot and get on the horse. We’re losing daylight.” he chastised Merlin, trying to be tough, but his smiled gave him away.

“I’m befriending him. Stop trying to keep up apart!” Merlin shouted as he climbed on the horse and pulled on the reins. Calayan started running, going in circles around the knights and Arthur.

“Show off!” another knight shouted and started after him. Arthur rolled his eyes and after everyone was up, he called the knight and Merlin back and with a wave rode off into the woods.

They traveled in silence for a few minutes before Merlin got bored and challenged one of the knights to a race. He found out during the race that his name was Leon. Arthur shouted after them to not go to far away. Merlin did his best to ignore the order. Calayan was a superb horse. He kept on step ahead of Leon the whole race and when they took a abrupt curve to turn back, Leon’s horse slowed a little, but Calayan went on. “You are a worthy opponent.” Merlin told Leon as they slowed down to a crawl so the others could catch up.

“As are you. I didn’t expect you to be so good. You like horses?”

“Had one at home. White, like Calayan. Used to dream about joining open competitions and winning. Bringing glory and money to my mom and helping her.”

“What kept you?” Leon asked.

“Fear. Of losing. Failing. Being an embarrassment to Ealdor.”

“Nothing worthy of being won is won easily.” Leon said, smiling. “And, honestly, I can’t see you failing.”

Merlin grinned. “Yeah, you say this now. But it’s just us.”

Leon shrugged. “I still say you should go for it. Camelot has lots of tournaments yearly.”

Merlin sighed. “Maybe.”

“Maybe what?” came Arthur’s voice from behind.

“Nothing.” replied Merlin and Leon at the same time.

“Who won?” asked another knight, Tanner.

“Merlin.” Leon answered.

“Oh, there you go! Good job!” Tanner said. “Finally someone beat Leon.”

Leon rolled his eyes. “Beginner’s luck.”

Merlin turned to him. “Oh, really. Wanna try again?”

Leon grinned. “No thank you. I think my ego suffered enough.”

They went on like that, joking, playing around with each other, chasing each other, Arthur stuck behind, trying to keep a semblance of order. Once in a while, Merlin looked around, found something familiar and kept them in the right direction. Too soon, night fell and they were forced to make camp. Merlin watched, slightly amused as Arthur declared himself keeper of the fire and trying unsuccessfully to light it up. Then Merlin stepped in and, with a little magic, made a fire in minutes. He knew it was risky, using magic in front of Arthur, but after seeing Arthur’s proud smiled, he decided it was worth it. Merlin felt Arthur’s eyes on his exposed lower back when he bent down to his bag to get some food and his mind brought him back to the day before in the cabin. His heart raced again. “Anyone hungry?” he asked, adjusting his blouse and pulling out bread, cheese and vegetables.

The knights all settled around the fire, splitting the food between them. Arthur sat down next to Merlin, who handed him a piece of bread and some cheese. Arthur smiled and thanked him. After their meal, the knights fell asleep, but Merlin wasn’t tired. His nerves were on edge, feeling Arthur’s breath on his neck whenever Arthur came close to him to grab some more food. It made Merlin dizzy and he stood up abruptly just to get some space. Arthur looked up, surprised. “I’m going for a walk.” Merlin said. Arthur nodded.

Merlin sighed and made his way out of the little nook where they made camp and started walking in a wide circle, making sure to keep the smoke from the fire as a landmark, so he won’t get lost. After what he deemed enough time, he went back to the camp and saw that Arthur fell asleep.

“Oh, heart, what you gotten me into?” he sighed and laid down on a blanket next to the fire.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leave me a comment and tell me what you think.


	6. Make Me Believe in Heaven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry for the wait. Here's chapter 6. If you have any suggestions/correction/requests feel free to leave them in a comment. Don't be afraid, i don't bite. Much. ;)

Merlin woke up covered in a blanket that he didn’t remember ever putting on himself. The knights were bustling around, putting the fire out, saddling the horses and gathering their things.

“Welcome back.” Arthur said, helping Merlin up.

“Why didn’t you wake me up? I could have helped.”

Arthur shrugged. “We were good. You looked tired.”

“Is that your way of saying I look bad?” Merlin asked, grinning.

Arthur rolled his eyes. “No. It’s my way of saying that I’m worried and you need more sleep.”

Merlin sighed and packed his bag. Arthur was right in a way. He didn’t sleep much since he came to Camelot. He was always up too early and going to sleep past midnight. He tried to go to sleep at a more reasonable hour, but whenever he tried, he just ended up staring at the moon, wondering about his destiny and everything that entailed. “I’m fine. Just getting used to Camelot. It’s only been a week.”

Arthur nodded, but kept staring at Merlin all through the preparations. Merlin felt his heart race every time he looked up and met Arthur’s eyes.

__Oh, Lord, don’t let me feel like this._ _

Arthur smiled at him from where he was perched on the horse. The sun was shining above him and from where Merlin was standing, it looked like Arthur’s head was surrounded by a halo of light.

__Brecða, híere_ _ __mec_ _ __. (Heart, obey me.)_ _

__

They found the camp easily. The bodies were still there, five men, all cut open and burned. Arthur surveyed the place, picked up a few straw pieces of torn clothing and then followed the footsteps. “Come on.”

The knights followed suit, but Merlin told them he was staying with the horses. After everyone was gone, he went in the middle of the mess, sat on the ground and put his palm flat on the grass. There was something he learned to do back in Ealdor that he wanted to try here. He closed his eyes, took a deep breath and summed a bit of fog to hide him from prying eyes. After, he focused on his palm touching the ground, feeling the blades of grass, the energies flowing under it and suddenly his head was filled with images. He saw a hooded figure, wielding a black sword. He saw lighting, he saw blood and fire. He heard screams, terrified screams, pleading, crying …

“Merlin? Where are you?”

Merlin’s eyes flew opened. His cheeks felt wet and he realized he had been crying. He hastily wiped them away and made his way out of the magical fog he created. “What’s with this fog?” he asked, willing himself to look calm and confused.

Arthur shrugged. “I don’t know. It appeared out of nowhere. Let’s go back to the castle. Nobody’s here anymore.”

Merlin nodded and followed them to the horses. They made their way out of the druid camp, leaving the mess and the fog behind. “I hope it clears by the time my father’s guards come by to pick up the bodies.”

“What will they do?” Merlin asked.

“Burn them. Like usual. My father likes consistency. He’ll make a great speech out of it, saying that this proves magic is bad and he’s right and everything sweet in the world of Uther Pendragon again.”

Merlin rolled his eyes. He was glad the knights were a little behind and didn’t hear him. “Talking like this is going to get you sent away for a very long time.”

Arthur sighed. “I know. You make me brave, Merlin.”

Merlin’s eyes widened. “I make you what?”

“You weren’t afraid to stand up to me when you thought I was in the wrong which is more than my father’s counselors do. You should see them all trying to butter him up and agreeing with everything he says. They should be the ones keeping him on the right path, not going along with all of his madness.”

“I wasn’t afraid to stand up to you because I didn’t really know you. People are afraid to stand up to you because they depend on you. I told you this before, you hold their lives in your hands.”

“Then, by that logic, I hold yours too.”

“Yes, but I know you wouldn’t do anything with it.” Merlin said. He saw the truth of that statement on Arthur’s face. “I’m the best manservant you’ll ever get.” Merlin added, making a joke out of the situation.

“Then I’m really doomed.” Arthur said, sighing dramatically.

The knights caught up with them then and they stopped talking all the way back to Camelot. Nights fell over the forest right as they reached the castle and Arthur hurried to his father to give him a report. Merlin went to Gaius.

“Merlin!” Gaius exclaimed as Merlin walked inside. “I expected you back tomorrow.”

“Arthur wanted to get home today, so we raced back.”

“What did you find?”

“Arthur? Nothing. Me? A lot.” Merlin answered. Gaius waited for him to explain while making him something to eat. “There was something I used to do in Ealdor. I would put my hand on the ground, focus and I could see what happened there.”

Gaius nodded. “I’ve heard of that. Everyone has a connection with the earth, yours is stronger. Magic is the fabric of everything that lives and you come straight from that fabric. What did you see?”

“A hooded figure, a black sword and …” he stopped, not sure how to explain the weird feeling that the vision gave him.

“And?”

“Magic. It was magic. Someone with magic. Very powerful. I have no idea who it is, but the feeling it gave me, the dread. I have never felt something so evil before.”

Gaius bit his lip. “It could be a lot of things. I’ll do some research. In the meantime, you should go to Arthur. If there’s ever a time when you need to be by his side, this is it.”

Merlin nodded, ate a piece of bread and some chicken and then made his way back to the throne room. He was a bit nervous to go inside when he hadn’t been summoned, but he took the fact that he wasn’t stopped by the guards as a good sign. Inside, Arthur was standing next to a column and watching his father. The Camelot counselor and advisers were all gathered around a table, talking to Uther. Again, no servants were inside. Both Uther and Arthur looked up when Merlin got in. Uther ignored him, but Arthur motioned for Merlin to join him.

“What’s happening?” Merlin whispered to him.

“They’re discussing. People already started to find out and some think it’s a message.” Arthur whispered back.

“Message? What message?”

“War.” Arthur said, simply.

Merlin sighed. Of course some people would think an enemy of Camelot did it. Merlin wasn’t sure, but the hooded figure didn’t feel like he hated Camelot. It felt like it hated magic itself.

“What does Uther think?” he asked Arthur.

“Uther just wants to find the person who did this. He doesn’t want to blame someone until he knows everything.”

“He’s worried people are going to think he did it? I mean druids died and he’s notorious about his hate for magic.”

“Something like that.” Arthur answered, then turned to look at him. “Are you ok?”

“I’ll get used to it.” Merlin answered. “But it wasn’t my first time seeing a massacre. Things like this were pretty common in Ealdor anytime someone didn’t pay their dues to money lenders.” Arthur’s eyes were sad when they settled on him. Merlin smiled. “Don’t worry, nothing ever happened to my family. We didn’t borrow money from anyone.”

Arthur nodded. Merlin wanted to say something else, but he noticed Uther stare at them. Your father’s staring at us.” he said, conspiratorially. “Go see what he wants.” Arthur rolled his eyes, but went to his father, who gave him a weird, almost defeated look. He told Arthur something that made him frown. Merlin sighed. He was never going to fully understand this mess of a world. A few moments later, Arthur returned to their corner. “What did he say?” Merlin asked.

“Well, aren’t you curious?”

Merlin grinned. “Um, you’re, like, the Prince.” he answered, mimicking a girl he heard talking to Arthur at the ball. “You’re like, the most interesting thing here.”

Arthur smacked his head lightly on the wall. “Don’t remind me of that wretched woman. I have never seen a creature so dull.”

“Oh, I hope she comes to your birthday ball.” Merlin said, smiling widely.

“God help us all.”

 

By the time Uther and his counselors were done, Arthur and Merlin were thoroughly bored. They tried to come up with different life stories for every adviser in the room, but eventually they ran out of people. Merlin won, coming up with a story about a boy escaping from a circus, disguising himself as a woman and getting hired as a handmaiden, then proceeding to get his mistress pregnant and blackmailing his way into becoming Uther’s adviser. It made Arthur laugh so loudly, it interrupted Uther’s speech. Merlin thought Uther would be mad at him for distracting Arthur, but Uther just gave both of them a small smile and continued.

“Your father is going to think I’m a bad influence on you.” Merlin said, after the meeting, when they were relaxing in the sun, perched on a statue.

“My father actually likes you. He says you keep me more relaxed. I don’t have to worry as much because you do everything right.”

Merlin smiled. “Indeed, it’s nice someone noticed.”

“Hey, I notice.”

“Mhm.”

“I do!”

“Sure.”

“Oh, shut up.”

Merlin grinned. “So, I heard something at the ball.” he started, trying to sound casual. “Something about a princess and a birthday ball and a possible marriage proposal …”

Arthur sighed. “Yes, that. Father wants to solidify the peace treaty between us and the other four kingdoms. My birthday ball is apparently the best place to do that. You know, celebrations, happiness, everyone’s in a good mood. However, Sordona is a relatively new kingdom. The villages used to be divided, all belonging to other kingdoms. Then Galin came and united them under his rule. Galin and Uther are friends so he agreed to sign the peace treaty and make five out of four. It’s been twenty years since. Galin has two daughters, Freya and Briseis. Briseis should be the next queen, because she’s older, but she doesn’t want to. She relinquished her right to the throne. And because of that, father wants us to marry. Freya can rule Sordona and Briseis can move here.”

“I take it you’re not excited.”

“I don’t know. I’ve been raised knowing I’d have to marry for an alliance, but Briseis hasn’t been to Camelot since we were both five. It’s been sixteen years since I last saw her. She used to be so full of energy and so sweet and caring. I have no idea how she is now. Her mother died, Galin had to remarry and last I heard she and her step mother aren’t really seeing eye to eye. Freya is more like her mother, Selena. Selena’s cold and calculated. Aine, Briseis’s mother was warmer. Like the sun.”

“If Galin and Uther were friends, how come he stopped visiting?”

“One day, around the time I was five, I got sick. Gaius was away and Aine was a very skilled physician. So, she left Sordona and came to Camelot. I got better after a couple of days, so she left, but her caravan was attacked on the way home. Galin was devastated. He loved Aine with all his heart. He didn’t blame Uther per se, but he never did return to Camelot. I can’t say I blame him.”

Merlin nodded. “And now they’re coming back.”

“Indeed. Sordona is a small kingdom. They don’t have a big army and in case of a war, they need Camelot. My marriage with Briseis will secure an unbreakable alliance.”

Merlin felt a strange dread at that sentence. Was he supposed to protect both Briseis and Arthur now? And why did the dragon only mention Arthur’s destiny? Surely, Briseis will be apart of the unified Albion alongside with Arthur, should the unification actually happen. He felt the need to go back to the cave and ask that annoying creature about it, but he was a bit scared. What if he fell ill again? How could he explain it this time?

Merlin stayed with Arthur on the statue for a few minutes more until Uther found them and dragged Arthur back to the throne room to discuss the guest list for his birthday ball.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leave me a comment and tell me what you think.


	7. Hearts on Fire

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, look who decided to update.

Weeks flew by fast. Merlin was busy from the sunrise to sundown, doing chores for both Arthur and Gaius. Between those two, he found time to talk to Gwen and Morgana, study magic and train with the knights. Uther requested he be taught how to fight in case he and Arthur separated themselves from the knights. If Arthur had to defend both of us instead of just him, he had less chances to win.

Fighting lessons were usually taking place after Merlin made Arthur’s breakfast, took about an hour and his partner was usually Leon. Sometimes Aiken, another knight. Leon was very jokey and made everything fun. Aiken was more practical. Merlin loved training with Leon, but he learned more with Aiken. Oh, the conundrum.

Before he knew it, it was the morning of Arthur’s birthday ball. The kitchens made him a breakfast fit for a God, with three trays full of food. He enlisted the help of two servant girls to help him carry all of them to his room. Arthur was still asleep when they got inside and Merlin shooed the girl outside so they wouldn’t wake him. He arranged everything on the table and cleaned a little bit, hoping that Arthur will just wake up on his own. One time he made the mistake of waking Arthur up and the look Arthur gave him made him want the earth to swallow him whole.

“Arthur.” he called softly from where he stood next to the table at a safe distance if Arthur felt like throwing something at his head. “Arthur!” he repeated, louder.

Arthur didn’t stir. Merlin sighed, abandoned his safe spot and sat down on Arthur’s bed. Arthur was dressed in his favorite red sleep pants and nothing else. The covers were tangled in his legs and on his bare chest Merlin could see a faint scar on the left side. It made Merlin’s heart hurt. He hated the fact that Arthur had been in pain and that scared him more than he could put into words. “Arthur?”

Arthur’s eyes opened slowly. He blinked a few times and then focused on Merlin. “Hey,” he said, smiling.

“What?” Merlin asked. Arthur’s smile was full of secrets and Merlin wanted to find them all.

Arthur shook his head. “It’s nice waking up and seeing you.”

Merlin sighed. “Happy birthday. Twenty-two, nice number.”

Arthur nodded, no longer smiling. “Thanks.” he said and stood up. He walked to the well stocked table and gave it a look of disgust. “And when you think about it, people outside are starving.”

Merlin shrugged. It was the first time he heard the prince complain about the abundance of food. He turned to leave, but Arthur called his name. “Yes?”

“Stay?” Arthur asked. His eyes were pleading, but Merlin couldn’t risk it. Uther felt a little weak and he was waiting for Merlin at Gaius’s chambers to help Gaius make something for him. Staying meant Uther would get suspicious.

“I can’t.” Merlin said and left. He was sure he was never going to get those sad eyes out of his mind. He sighed and made his way down to Gaius’s. As he expected, Uther was on a chair, reading something as Gaius walked around mixed things in bowls. Uther looked up when he heard Merlin come in.

“Ah, Merlin, good morning.”

“Good morning, my King.”

“How’s Arthur?”

“Eating.”

“Good. I want to make sure today is perfect for him. Keep him occupied throughout the day, I want him out of the ballroom until his birthday.”

“As you wish, Your Highness.” Merlin answered, helping Gaius carry some vials to the table. Soon, a purple potion was made and poured into a goblet.

“Uh, this wretched weather got me, finally.” Uther sighed, downing the medicine. “Thank you, my good friend. I always can count on you to make me healthy again.”

Gaius bowed his head slightly. “Well, I leave you. I still have preparations to do for Arthur’s birthday ball.” Uther said and then stood up and exited the room.

“Well that was something.” Merlin said.

Gaius shrugged. “How is Arthur?” he asked. Merlin raised an eyebrow. “I mean, really. How is he?”

“Weird. Lost his smile the second I mentioned his birthday.” Gaius nodded, but didn’t offer an explanation. “Do you know something?”

“That’s Arthur’s tale to tell.”

Merlin rolled his eyes. “Great.”

“Have you seen the dragon at all in the past few weeks?”

Merlin shook his head. “No. I’m kind of scared to go back. What if I feel sick again?”

Gaius smiled. “That was a one time thing, Merlin. You’ve been using magic almost daily since. I’m positive your body is used to magic by now.”

Merlin shrugged, but didn’t add anything else. He spent the rest of the morning cleaning some bowls, sweeping the floors and arranging his clothes in the wardrobe. Then he went outside and decided to take a stroll down through the woods. Arthur had no obligation during the day, so Merlin was unusually free and he didn’t really no what to do with the time. He decided a little walk couldn’t do any harm. He started on a path and let his feet do the work while his mind wandered. He thought about home. Arthur’s birthday made him remember his own birthdays. His mother would save up money for months to buy foods that Merlin liked and presents. There were street fairs happening around Merlin’s birthday and every time his mother gave him money to buy something. Will, his best friend walked around the fairs with him even though he usually hated them and after gave him a gift that he usually made himself. He remembered one particular year, when they were fourteen and Will gave him a handmade hand band that had a W and M intertwined. Merlin still had that band, but wearing it made him remember of what happened after and he wanted to forget that particular night ever existed.

His mind woke up from the dreams at just the right time to steer him away from Arthur’s cabin that he, again, nearly bumped into. He avoided tripping, by some work of luck and peered through the windows. Arthur was on the bed, laying down, still his sleep pants and nothing else and staring at the ceiling. He didn’t seem to realize Merlin was there. Merlin bit his lip unsure about what he should do. He wanted to find out why Arthur didn’t like his birthday, but at the same time he didn’t want to be alone with him after that morning, especially not in a hidden cabin. He promised himself he won’t repeat the ‘Will mistake’ once he was in Camelot. Camelot represented a fresh start in more ways than his mother imagined.

That being said, he felt almost a physical pull to get inside and ask Arthur what was going on. He hoped Arthur might have more self restraint than him.

“Arthur? Can I come in?” he called, knocking on the door.

“Yeah.” came Arthur’s voice from inside. Merlin opened the door and walked inside. The door closed behind him and Merlin leaned on it.

“What’s wrong?” Merlin asked.

“Nothing.”

“Really? Please, you can do better than that. You know you can tell me anything.” he pressed and that’s when he noticed Arthur’s cheeks were wet. He had been crying. Merlin threw caution to the wind, walked to Arthur and sat on the bed. “Arthur, please, tell me what’s wrong.”

“You can’t do anything about it, anyway.”

“I can listen. Sometimes that’s enough.” Merlin answered.

Arthur sighed and stood up. He drew his knees up to his chest and put his head on them. “I hate my birthday. And sometimes it makes me feel like a prat because so many people would kill to have their birthday celebrated with balls and gifts and days off and to be treated like they are gold. But all I can think about is the fact that mother died giving birth to me and that makes me feel like the worst being on the earth. She died, so I could have this birthday. And the guilt is eating me alive. I can push past it normally, but it’s so much harder when I see everyone celebrating my birthday and nobody remembering that mother died on this very day.”

Merlin’s heart broke at the emptiness in Arthur’s voice. He reached out and touched Arthur’s cheek. Arthur closed his eyes and sighed, leaning into Merlin’s touch. Not for the first time, Merlin wondered if the connection the boys felt to one another was real, or just a byproduct of their destinies. Surely God couldn’t be so cruel. “You’re not a prat for hating your birthday. I understand. You’re also not a bad person for wanting people to remember your mom. And you’re most definitely not to blame for her death. But I understand where you’re coming from. I can’t tell you if it’s going to ever feel right, but I can tell you that you’re strong and happy and you will manage to push past it one day and I can tell you that I’m going to be here for every birthday from now on to remind of that.”

Arthur’s wet eyes focused on Merlin and he saw something in them that he couldn’t quite explain. Then Arthur nodded and looked back down to the sheets, leaving Merlin to once again question his sanity.

They sat in silence for a while until Merlin realized it was almost noon and Arthur should return to the castle if he wanted Uther to not send a search party for him. He told Arthur as much and with great reluctance, Arthur agreed to return to the castle. He wrapped a blanket around his shoulders and left Merlin alone in the cabin with a little wave. Merlin sighed, stood up, took a last look around the cabin and left after his master.

 

That afternoon was gloomy in Arthur’s room. On the pretext that he wanted to be well rested so he won’t fall asleep at the ball tonight, Arthur managed to remain in his bed, with the curtains drawn until close to the evening. When Merlin brought him dinner, Arthur didn’t even acknowledge him. Just remained in his bed, covered in blankets and staring blankly at the wall. Merlin sighed and sat down at the foot of the bed.

“Arthur? I brought you dinner. The ball is going to start in a couple of hours.”

“I know.” came the soft voice of Arthur from the mountain of blankets. His head poked out, hair going in every direction possible and eyes red. “Can you bring me the tray here?”

Merlin nodded and complied. He climbed in the bed, holding the tray in his lap. Arthur sat up, still half covered with about three blankets and took a piece of bread. He nibbled on it, clearly not in the mood for eating, but Merlin was determined to stay there until Arthur finished his food. Almost an hour passed until Arthur finished his tray. Merlin tried his best to keep him entertained and distracted by telling him stories he heard at the market. He was in the middle of a story about a man who hired a prostitute only to realize that she was a he originally when he noticed Arthur was staring at him with wide eyes and mouth slightly open.

“And?” he asked, when he saw Merlin shut up.

Merlin grinned and finished his story, then took the tray and cleaned the table. He told Arthur he’ll be back to help him get dressed after he took the tray back to the kitchens. When he was done, he went up to Arthur’s room only to realize that the door was slightly ajar and there were too voices inside, instead of one.

“Arthur, stop being a child. You knew Briseis will be introduced tonight. It’s important the people get used to her.” Uther was saying.

“Nothing’s final yet.” Arthur replied

“That doesn’t mean anything and you know it. I’ve told you this before.” Merlin knocked on the door and Uther stopped talking. He turned and nodded at Merlin as he walked inside. “I’ll leave you to finish, then.”

Merlin moved a bit to the side, to let Uther leave and the closed the door. Arthur had a shirt on this time, but he still looked like a lost boy looking for his parents in the middle of the market. “What did he want?”

“Briseis will arrive sometime at the ball. Father wants to introduce her as my ‘friend’ to the ball and to reinforce the friendship between Galin and him.” Merlin nodded. Arthur sighed and motioned for Merlin to get closer. “Let’s get this over with.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leave me a comment and tell me what you think :)


	8. Only Hope Can Kill Us

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for being a little shit and not updating in literally forever. I worked the night shift at my job for like a month and now i have school in the morning and work in the afternoon so there's not a lot of free time for me. I'll try and squeeze an update here and there.

The ball started in a similar fashion to the first one Merlin attended. Fortunately for Merlin, he didn’t have to wear the stupid red costume this time. As Arthur’s personal manservant, he wore black pants, a white shirt, a brown belt and a red cape that hanged on his shoulders. He stood behind Arthur the whole time, feeling the eyes of every person in the room on him.

Once everyone was settled, Uther lifted his glass and silence filled the room. “Welcome, my friends, welcome to this special ball. This day is one of the days in the year where I feel most appreciative of this life that I have. The day where I can turn to you and thank you for all the work you put into making Camelot what it is today. Because one day, Arthur will rule this kingdom and today we celebrate the fact that he is one year closer to being king, one year closer of personally being able to thank you all for what you did to help him sit on this throne. To Arthur!”

Everyone lifted their goblets and clapped. Arthur was smiling, but his eyes were slightly unfocused and glassy, like he wasn’t all there. Merlin filled Arthur’s cup, even though it wasn’t completely empty and took the opportunity to squeeze his shoulder. Arthur let out a shaky breath and his smile grew.

A few moments after Uther’s speech the guardians opened the door and one of them stepped forward. “King Galin and Queen Selena of Sordona.” he announced. A brown haired guy dressed mostly in black and a blond woman dressed in silver came inside. The woman was wearing a little crown in her hair, but the man wasn’t. He smiled happily at everyone and had a sparkle in his eyes that Merlin attributed to either wine or madness. “Princess Briseis and Princess Freya of Sordona.” the guard announced again. This time, two girls stepped inside. One was dressed in silver, like Selena and looked very plain. The other, had dark hair, almost black and was wearing a simple, but elegant black dress that showed off her diamond necklace. Everything about her from her eyes contoured with black and red lips was striking. She stepped forward and bowed in front of Arthur and Uther. Arthur stood and bowed back. “Princess Briseis, I thank for accepting my invitation.”

So this was the famous Briseis. Merlin felt a little jealous of Arthur. He might be forced to marry her, but at least she was beautiful.

Arthur turned to the public. “This is an important day for many reasons. The one that makes me the happiest is the peace treaty that will be renewed in the following weeks, between Camelot and Sordona. Allies are few and far in between and we must cherish the ones we have.’ he turned to Galin and his family. “I hope you and your family will have the best of time in Camelot and I hope to forge a long lasting and happy connection between our kingdoms and who knows, maybe even families.”

People started whispering immediately after Arthur sat down and the guards brought chairs for the Ferreirra family. Merlin just wondered how much time did it take for Arthur to learn the speech that Merlin wrote. Arthur asked him that day to write something because he didn’t know what to say. Merlin wrote something simple, not to revealing, but plenty catchy. He did notice that Briseis wanted to sit next to Galin, but the guard put her chair next to Arthur. She sighed and sat down. Merlin tried not to laugh.

“Welcome.” Arthur said, lowering his voice. Merlin could hear because he was standing right behind them, but he doubted that anyone could.

“Nice speech. Who wrote it?” Briseis asked. Arthur motioned towards Merlin. Briseis turned to the young servant and smiled. Merlin smiled back. “So, what’s the plan?” she asked Arthur.

“I don’t know. Right now, I’m celebrating my birthday. We’ll see.”

“Great.” Briseis sighed. She abandoned her tray of food, stood up and joined Merlin, who was leaning on the wall. Uther seemed a bit startled, but Galin just smiled. Selena shook her head, but didn’t say anything. “Hey.” she said, poking Merlin in the shoulder. Merlin bowed his head a little. “Hey. You’d better sit. People are talking.”

“So? Why would I care? Let them talk.”

Merlin grinned. “Ok. Your funeral.”

Briseis grinned. “Oh, I’ve already planned it. Black roses, a beautiful silver dress because Selena killed the family spirit and maybe one of those wine goblets to signify that I died partying.”

Merlin laughed. Arthur looked at them with a little smile on his face. “You’re not like I expected.”

Briseis shrugged. “I’m a surprise in itself. People would get bored otherwise.”

Soon, everyone finished eating and the tables were cleared. People started filling the center of the room and the music started. Arthur narrowly avoided being coerced to dance and joined Merlin and Briseis in a corner. Briseis was at her second glass of wine.

“You two are going to have to dance at some point.” Merlin told them. Arthur rolled his eyes, but nodded. Briseis looked like Merlin told her to drown herself in the well.

“I hate dancing. These dresses are not made for dancing. I can barely breathe when I stand.”

Arthur smiled. “I’m a great dancer. You cannot possibly leave this ball without trying me out.”

“I’d like to try you out in your chambers at something a little different, but equally exhausting. However, it’s your birthday, so your wish is my command.” Arthur nearly chocked on his wine. Merlin decided he loved Briseis.

 

Eventually, Briseis and Arthur had their dance, in the middle of the room, receiving applause at the end. Merlin had a glass of wine for both of them when they went back to his corner. Morgana and Gwen also joined them soon after.

“This is boring.” Briseis complained. She turned to Merlin. “Are parties this boring in your village?”

Merlin smiled. “Well, they’re not many, but usually involve more wine and less clothes, so no, not boring at all.”

“Exactly to how many of these parties have you been?” Morgana asked.

Merlin rolled his eyes. “About five. As old as I am mentally people still stubbornly choose to treat me by my physical age.”

Briseis nodded, looking serious. “Idiots. How dare they?”

Merlin slapped her hand. “Shut up.”

“Anything for you.” Briseis giggled.

 

Two hours later, Merlin was ready to call it a night. Arthur, however was deep in conversation with Selena, looking like he wanted to strangle her. Merlin couldn’t blame her. That woman was duller than a dying flame. Merlin wanted to get as far away from Selena as possible before he fell asleep standing, but every time he tried to get away, Arthur brought him back with promises of great pain should he ever try to escape again. “And that is why I’ve told Freya that she should be the one wearing the silver. It compliments her skin and hair so beautifully. Briseis’s black corresponds to her … dark nature. I’m sure you two will be a perfect fit should you ever decided to marry her. She need someone strong and smart to temper her. And Camelot could use her vivaciousness. This land is terribly dull.”

Merlin was torn between wanting to laugh and wanting to stab her with a fork. None seemed very appropriate. “I agree.” Arthur answered. How he managed to stay serious was beyond Merlin’s power of understanding.

“I knew you would. Galin always told me that you inherited only the best traits from Uther.”

“Thank you, my Queen.”

She giggled. Merlin’s eyes widened. The woman … giggled? “You’re welcome, sweetheart.” she said, swatting his arm.

Merlin’s mouth opened. __Stop flirting with your daughter’s future! You have a husband, woman!__ He thought.

Right as he thought he was going to lose it, Arthur finally bowed his head and dragged Merlin away from there and to a wine table. “Finally, I was about to strangle her with my belt.”

Arthur grinned. “What, you don’t like our esteemed guest? Shame on you, Merlin, she’s a wonderful person.”

“Are we talking about the same woman? Blonde, blunt and boring?”

“You forget beautiful.”

“I forgot baleful.”

“She’s not that bad once you get to know her.”

Merlin rolled his eyes. “I really need to take you to Gaius after the ball is over. I think she drugged you.”

 

It didn’t take much longer for Arthur to reach his quota of schmoozing and be done with his ball. He gallantly excused himself and motioned for Merlin to follow him. When Arthur reached his room he walked inside and flopped down on the bed, closing his eyes and sighing heavily. Merlin closed the door and leaned on it. “Tired?”

“More like bored. But it’s a tiring kind of bored.”

“It’s your birthday ball.”

“And yet sitting in the cabin with you in sleep pants and a blanket was more pleasant than this entire party given in my honor.”

Merlin shook his head. “Don’t do that.” he said.

Arthur sat up. “What, tell the truth?”

Merlin detached himself from the door. He felt angry all of the sudden. “Don’t talk to me like that when you have a kingdom to rule and people to protect.”

“How exactly am I talking to you?” Arthur asked, sitting up. He got closer to Merlin. “I haven’t said anything. I haven’t told you that when I saw out with Morgana that night moonlight made your hair blue and your eyes sparkle. I haven’t told you that you standing up to me made me feel normal, like for the first time I could have a real conversation with someone who wouldn’t be afraid to tell me the truth and not just what I want to hear. I haven’t told you that I can’t look in the mirror anymore because ever time I do I find myself questioning everything and hoping that you are going to like it. I didn’t tell you any of these, because I know I can’t, because I know if anyone found out they’d question my ability to give them a legitimate heir even though that’s not a problem.”

Merlin swallowed. Arthur was so close he could see black and golden specks in his eyes and feel his breath on his lips. “You’re not being fair.” Merlin whispered.

“Life’s not fair.” Arthur whispered, getting even closer.

A knock came from the door. Merlin didn’t move. He was entranced by Arthur’s eyes. His heart raced. “Yes?” Arthur asked. He lifted his hand and brushed a strand of hair from Merlin’s face.

“Arthur? Is everything alright? I’m going to bed and I wanted to ask if you need anything.”

Arthur smiled and Merlin suddenly thanked God Arthur backed him up into the wall because he felt like fainting. He was getting dizzy. “No.” Arthur answered. “I have everything I need right here.”

“Alright. Good night.” Uther said and departed the hallway. Merlin was torn between wanting Uther to barge in and wanting him to leave them alone forever. Arthur leaned on the wall, putting his hands on each side of Merlin head.

Merlin tilted his head. “There is a very fine line between what you can and can’t do. And you’re about to break it.”

“What can I say, I’m a rebel.” Merlin sighed and put a hand on his chest. He didn’t push him away, per se, but the intention was clear. Arthur stepped aside and Merlin escaped in the hallway. He leaned on the door for a second, taking deep breaths and made his way to his chamber, trying very hard not to think about what Arthur would be doing before he fell asleep.


	9. Rose Petals In The Wind

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arthur stopped and seemed to realize that Merlin was sitting in the middle of the bed and it was dark and way past the time he was usually gone. Merlin felt again like he was pushing a boundary, testing its limits. He liked to believe that he could stop Arthur if he wanted to push back, but he wasn’t so sure. A very big part of him, located south of his stomach wanted very much to convince Arthur to continue.  
> “I should go.” Merlin said. Arthur nodded, but didn’t say anything. Merlin got off the bed and brushed his clothes. “I’ll come by a little earlier tomorrow because you have that outing with Bree and you have to get ready.” Arthur nodded again. He seemed to have lost the ability to speak. “Good night, sire.”  
> “Good night Merlin.”

Merlin could barely sleep that night. Arthur’s admissions made him feel equally blissful and dirty. He knew he shouldn’t feel like this, but he also knew feelings like these couldn’t be turned off like the flame of a candle. He tossed and turned in his bed and eventually fell into an uneasy sleep filled with dreams of hidden cabins, starry ceilings and Arthur.

He was so tired when he stumbled into Gaius’s chamber the next morning, he tripped twice on his way to the table and nearly fell once. “Are you alright? You’re even more uncoordinated than usual.” Gaius asked, looking concerned.

Merlin nodded sleepily and picked at his bread. He felt absolutely no hunger and was actually a bit nauseous despite having no drinks the prior evening. He figure it was the prospect of seeing Arthur getting cozy with Briseis, however unwillingly. Yes, that was definitely it.

Gaius watched him play with his food for a while, then took his plate and sat down in front of him. “Tell me what’s wrong, Merlin. I can sense something happened.”

 _ _I fell in love with a man. And not just any man, Gaius, I fell in love with Arthur. Yes, Gaius, Prince Arthur. I know I’m stupid Gaius, please stop yelling at me. I have a terrible headache and you’re not helping.__ No, that wouldn’t do.

“I’ve just been thinking about the whole destiny thing and how Briseis fits into the story. It she supposed to be by Arthur’s side when he rules Albion? Because I don’t really see it.”

“But who do you see?” Gaius asked.

__Me._ _

“Nobody right now. That’s the issue. Recently, whenever I think about Albion and Arthur I get this … sureness. Like this is right. This is what is meant to be. But when I think about that and Uther, or Briseis, or even Morgana, I don’t get anything. And it’s scary. I don’t know, maybe it’s stupid.”

“Merlin, one thing that I know is that we should never doubt our instincts. They are almost always right. And yours are even more so. Truth is, Briseis isn’t Arthur’s wife, yet. And if they do marry, who knows what can happen. And you said that you started feeling this sureness with Arthur recently. Give yourself some time to adjust.”

Merlin nodded. He kind of hated when Gaius was right. It was annoying.

He managed to eat something so he won’t worry Gaius and the made his way somewhat reluctantly to Arthur’s room, stopping by the kitchens to get Arthur his breakfast on the way.

Arthur was sleeping when Merlin carried the tray inside. Uther met him in a hallways and told him to wake Arthur up and got with him in the throne room because Galin wanted to discuss something about the peace treaty.

Merlin pushed the curtains open. Arthur stirred, but didn’t wake up. Merlin rolled his eyes, grabbed a pillow and threw it in Arthur’s face. He had no patience for Arthur that day. The lack of sleep from the past two months was getting to him

“Hey!” Arthur whined.

“Wake your lazy ass up. Uther needs us in the throne room.”

Arthur blinked his eyes and yawned. “Who stepped on your hair this morning?”

“Didn’t sleep. Crazy evening yesterday. Get up.”

 

Arthur was ready and in the throne room in record time. Even Uther was surprised.

“Alright. We are all here.” Galin said once Arthur sat down and Merlin leaned on the wall.

“Yes, let’s start.” Morgana agreed. She had already been sitting at the table when Arthur and Merlin walked inside, but Gwen wasn’t there. Merlin was the only servant in the room. He got used to it after the first few weeks.

“How are the negotiations going with Alined? I was under the impression that he disliked the peace treaty.”

“Yes, Alined fears peace will make him poor.” Arthur said.

“Well, Alined is disadvantaged then, because nobody wants a war. He’ll have to sign, or he’ll lose the protection the treaty offers him.”

Galin leaned back in his chair and regarded Uther coolly. Merlin wondered what their story was. “Are you sure about that?”

“Yes, I am. Alined’s only wish is for his safety. It is not wise to anger me and make an enemy out of Camelot.”

“Indeed .” Galin answered. Both Morgana ans Arthur picked up on his tone. Merlin thought his instincts were starting to fail him, but apparently not.

“When do you plan to round up the other kings, my lord?” Briseis asked Uther.

“Soon. I’m organizing an open tournament at the end of the month. In three weeks time, the matter of the treaty will be resolved, you have my promise.”

Galin looked like he wanted to say something, but Briseis caught his eye and almost imperceptibly shook her head. “Alright. Did you wish to discuss anything else?”

“Yes, I was wondering if you’d like to participate in the tournament.” Uther asked Galin.

Galin grinned. He had dimples and looked like a young boy when he was smiling. “Will you?”

Uther shrugged. “It has been a while, but sure. I could go for it.”

“Then consider me in. Can’t possibly resist beating you again.”

“Again?” Morgana asked looking amused. “The great Uther Pendragon was defeated?”

Uther sighed. “Even the greats have moments of failure. And I assure you, my darling, Morgana, that was my only one.”

“We shall see.” Galin answered.

Uther grinned.

 

After the meeting, Arthur had a free morning so he decided to drag Merlin with him on a walk through the woods. Merlin felt like refusing, but Arthur didn’t really give him a choice. He felt consoled by the fact that Leon and Tanner would come with them too.

“Why didn’t we take the horses?” Tanner complained almost immediately after.

Arthur grinned. “We’re working out. Keeping in shape. Stop whining and move it.”

Tanner rolled his eyes. “Yes, master.”

The walk was refreshing to Merlin. He worried Arthur was going to do or say something about the night before, but apart from some looks, he didn’t even acknowledged Merlin’s presence. Which was fine with Merlin. He spent the whole time playing around with Leon. He jumped on his back and let Leon carry him for a while, then they started collecting colored stones and racing. Leon found the most beautiful stones, but Merlin won the race. After a while they reached the lake and Arthur laid down on the grass in the sun. Merlin sat next to him and Leon and Tanner jumped on a rock and pretended they were statues. After a few moments Tanner told Arthur they’re going to go round the Lake to check the area. Leon wanted some more stones.

“Are you alright?” Merlin asked Arthur. He had been uncharacteristically quiet the whole trip.

Arthur nodded. “Yes, I’m fine. I was just thinking about the peace treaty. Alined has been uncooperative for as long as I can remember. I’m not sure why father insists on keeping him in the alliance. He’s not particularly useful to make up for all the damage he causes.” Merlin ripped a few grass blades and started tying them up together. “And I overheard Selena talk with Freya at the party last night and from what I gathered they weren’t particularly happy to be here. I don’t even understand why they came since Uther invited Galin and Bree, not them.”

“Aw, she’s Bree, now?” Merlin asked.

Arthur grinned. “That’s what you got from my entire rant?”

Merlin shrugged. “Selena’s opinion of Camelot interests me too little. Your opinion of Briseis interests me greatly.”

Arthur sighed and lied down on the grass. “I think I made all my opinions clear last night.”

“You did.”

“Than what might be the problem?”

“You voicing your thoughts isn’t going to change the situation. And these little trips aren’t going to help either. It’s just a pretty lie lying in the sun waiting to be caught.”

Arthur didn’t answer. Merlin didn’t even know if there was an answer. They fell in love with each other and it could never happen. It was that simple. Only, like with all matters of the heart, it wasn’t actually simple. Merlin looked down at Arthur. He closed his eyes and was moving his hands in circles through the grass. Merlin sighed and held one in his, interlocking their fingers. Arthur smiled, but didn’t open his eyes.

They stayed like that for a while until Leon and Tanner came back, looking tired and wet. “I can’t believe you pushed me into the Lake. Are you twelve?”

“You said you were hot.”

“That was not an invitation to throw me in the water.”

“I was trying to help.”

“You were trying to be annoying.”

“I don’t hear you. Lalalala.”

“Oh, that’s mature.”

 

They ended up leaving soon after. Leon and Tanner managed to get dry by the time they reached Camelot, aided by Merlin who kept pushing them into the sun and making them chase him. Briseis was sitting on a bench outside the castle when they went back and Arthur went to her without even saying goodbye to Merlin. It stung him.

“Aw, young love.” Tanner said.

Merlin’s smile weighed like a stone, but he knew it looked real. He was always good at smiling and reassuring people he was alright. “You sound like you’re eighty.”

“I have an old soul.”

“And a stupid brain.”

Another chase ensued.

 

Gaius was preparing a potion when Merlin walked inside the room. He dropped his bag in the corner and fell on a chair, exhausted. “Who knew running around the woods is so exhausting?”

Gaius smiled. “Everyone?”

Merlin sighed. “Anything happen while we were gone?”

“Selene decided she wants a ball in the honor of the Ferreirra-Pendragon union.”

“Arthur hasn’t proposed to Bree yet.”

“It doesn’t matter what Arthur does. You and me both know he is already married to Briseis. All of this is just a formality so Arthur can still maintain the idea that he has a choice.”

That made Merlin’s heart ache. Arthur had everything and still, in the end, the most important things, his love, his life weren’t his. Merlin didn’t know what was worse, falling in love with who you want and having a poor, quiet life or being the future king of Camelot and being forced to marry someone who you don’t love and who might never love you. “That’s sad.” Merlin said

Gaius shrugged. “Arthur knew this was going to happen from the point he was old enough to know what marriage was. He’s used to it. Take this potion to this address, please.”

 

At the end of the day, when Merlin finished his work for Gaius, he went back to Arthur’s chamber to make sure he didn’t need anything else. When he went inside Arthur was standing in front of the window, holding a goblet of wine. Merlin closed the door and leaned on it. “Hey.”

“Hello.” Arthur said.

“What great things have you accomplished today, Sire?” Merlin asked.

Arthur grinned, staring at Merlin’s reflection in a mirror. “I found a thief that has been steeling food from the markets. He’s in the cells.”

Merlin grinned. “Well done, my liege.”

Arthur sighed. “It feels different coming from you.”

“Less important?”

“On the contrary.”

Merlin detached himself from the door and sat on Arthur’s bed. The moon was full again and he felt his blood fizz in his veins. He could almost hear the night calling him. He read in his magic book that nature calls to magic because magic is nature in itself so that’s he figured that that’s why he’s been feeling antsy and not sleeping that well around the full moon especially.

Arthur turned around, walked towards the bed, downed his drink and leaned on one of the bed’s support poles. He was a few inches away from Merlin and since Merlin was sitting on the bed he had to look up to see Arthur and the way Arthur was positioned made the light from the moon shine in his hair, looking like a halo. Merlin felt like he was standing on a very thin line and he was a bit worried that the full moon and Arthur’s no doubt many goblets of wine are going to push him over the edge.

Arthur pushed a strand of hair away from Merlin’s face and tilted his head back a little. “I’ve been having this recurring dream lately. We’re sitting on the grass in front of a lake. The sun is shining and we’re alone. I can feel feel the wind in my hair and I can hear a waterfall somewhere close. Then clouds come and it starts raining so we run to a nearby cabin that has red walls and white curtains. Today at the Lake was as close to that dream as we can get and that breaks my heart. And then I think about it and it scares me because you’ve only been in my life for a few weeks and all of this happened so fast and its so scary and I keep expecting this to be a dream and I’m really terrified that when I wake up nothing is going to be real anymore, that you’re not real. Because this doesn’t feel real. This feels like a story. And I don’t want it to end.”

“It will end.” Merlin said, his voice weirdly strong in the heavy silence. “As soon as you put that crown on Bree’s head, this is over. Everyone’s eyes are going to be on you and one slip it’s going to ruin the Pendragon line.”

Arthur sighed. Merlin’s stomach felt weird and he was getting a little dizzy. Somehow, Arthur was much closer than he was before he started talking and Merlin felt reckless. He moved a little farther on the bed, closer to the pillows and Arthur sat down in front of him. He knew what Arthur was going to ask him and as much as his entire soul was yelling at him to say yes, that was the line he didn’t want to cross. He brought his knees up to his chest.

“Why am I always the only servant in the room when there are meetings?” Merlin asked.

Arthur didn’t look very surprised to be asked that. “You help me concentrate. When you’re not around I worry. Seeing you next to me makes me more confident.”

“And your father?”

“He’s not questioning it. As long as you don’t use the information against us, he’s fine.”

Merlin nodded. “I wanted to ask you something and I think tonight you’re probably drunk enough to tell me. Who’s Kelen?”

“The son of Chryseus, king of Caerleon. Chryseus and his wife, Annis are still in negotiations with the peace treaties.”

“Why the holdup?”

“Annis doesn’t agree with Uther’s ban on magic. She thinks Uther is bordering on being as evil the people he kills and she fears that signing any kind of treaty with him is going to attract enemies.”

“She’s not very wrong.” Merlin said, testing Arthur and his view on magic.

“I know. Any king or kingdom should be mad to want to associate themselves with Uther Pendragon. But he’s my father and I can’t say anything about it, so I’m just hoping they are powerful enough to refuse.”

“Why do you care so much?” Merlin said. He wanted to know about Arthur and Kelen, but he wanted to know in a way that wasn’t too obvious.

“Can you keep a secret?” Arthur asked. Merlin nodded, heart racing. “Kelen has magic.”

“What?”

Arthur nodded, then shrugged. “I saw him. I was a bit shocked at first. We were young and I hadn’t started questioning my father then, but when I saw Kelen has magic, I realized father had been telling me only about the downside of magic. Kelen was using his to heal a dog with a broken paw. I tried to convince him to leave Camelot before Uther found out and had him killed. But he didn’t want to leave me. So I told Uther he tried to get Morgana drunk so he could take advantage of her. I got Morgana to agree, but I didn’t tell her about magic.”

“What did you tell her?”

“I don’t really remember. Something.” Which to Merlin translate in them. Arthur told Morgana about him and Kelen. “I have never seen father so angry. He banished Kelen from Camelot, but Chryseus and Annis were allowed to stay if they wanted. Chryseus and Annis swore never to return. That was six years ago. Now, everything swept under the rug and Chryseus wants to be a part of the treaty.”

Merlin nodded. “When are they supposed to come?”

“They were supposed to attend my birthday ball, but there was a crisis in the kingdom and Chryseus decided to stay. So, I don’t know. Uther suggested sometime this week. I think they’re leaving tomorrow or the day after that, so they’ll be here soon enough.”

“And how are you feeling about that?”

“I’m not happy. If Uther finds out about Kelen’s magic he’s going to have them banished forever. Or maybe even have Kelen killed to prove a point. And if Kelen dies, Annis is going to bring down Heaven on Uther and Camelot. Sometimes I think she’s the real king and Chryseus is just for show. He definitely listens to her, more than she listens to him.”

Arthur stopped and seemed to realize that Merlin was sitting in the middle of the bed and it was dark and way past the time he was usually gone. Merlin felt again like he was pushing a boundary, testing its limits. He liked to believe that he could stop Arthur if he wanted to push back, but he wasn’t so sure. A very big part of him, located south of his stomach wanted very much to convince Arthur to continue.

“I should go.” Merlin said. Arthur nodded, but didn’t say anything. Merlin got off the bed and brushed his clothes. “I’ll come by a little earlier tomorrow because you have that outing with Bree and you have to get ready.” Arthur nodded again. He seemed to have lost the ability to speak. “Good night, sire.”

“Good night Merlin.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leave me a comment and tell me what you think :)


	10. Memories From The Past

Merlin found out right the next day all the details he needed to know about Kelen’s arrival. Uther made it a big news in Camelot. Wherever Merlin was going, he was hearing Kelen and Arthur’s name linked to various rumors. Every time he found himself wondering about them, about Arthur’s feelings for him. He wondered what Kelen was like, if he was nice, if he liked Arthur. If he felt betrayed Arthur banned him from Camelot and was now plotting his immediate destruction. Merlin sighed. He needed to stop thinking.

The next few days were nothing short of terror for Merlin. Arthur, despite his reluctance to let Kelen anywhere near Uther, was so excited. He spent most of the days ensuring the kingdom worked perfectly smooth and he and Uther would stay late most of the time making plans. Merlin felt like an afterthought. He started questioning Arthur’s passionate speech about his feelings. Clearly he was mistaken. Merlin had never been more disappointed in his life.

When Kelen finally arrived, Merlin was nearly hating the prince. He trudged down the stairs behind Arthur to meet his competition and stood surly, hands crossed in front of him, glaring at anyone who dared to speak to him.

The Caerleon caravan was big and pompous. When Kelen got out, Merlin’s mouth dropped open. He was absolutely gorgeous. Short black hair, tanned skinned and dark brown eyes. He was such a contrast to Arthur’s blue and gold. Kelen threw Uther a big smile, waved at Arthur and nearly tripped when he saw Merlin. He managed to recover and find his smile again, but kept staring at Merlin, trying to be discreet. Arthur and Uther didn’t notice, but Merlin sure did. He raised an eyebrow at Kelen, who blushed and looked down. Suddenly Merlin didn’t hate Kelen anymore. Maybe it was shallow, but it made Kelen feel a lot more human.

After the official welcome, King Chryseus, Queen Annis and Prince Kelen were welcomed in the throne room. Merlin was, of course, allowed inside. The newcomers seemed surprised of that since their own servants were banished outside of the room, but didn’t say anything.

“Uther, I am so happy you invited us here. I think a fresh start is what everybody needs.” Annis said.

Uther nodded. “Have you given my proposition a thought?”

Annis sighed. “Making the five, a six? Well …” she said, looking at her husband.

Chryseus shrugged. “We’ll see. I want to talk to all of the five and I will make a decision after that.” he turned to Merlin. “Could I trouble you for a glass of water, please?”

Merlin nodded, a little shocked at the politeness of the king. “Certainly,” he answered and headed to a table in the corner where there were a few goblets and water pitchers. He poured some water in a goblet and took it to Chryseus who thanked him. Arthur frowned a little, but Merlin’s questioning glance didn’t receive an answer.

“Kelen, are you going to participate in the tournament? As you know, it’s in two weeks time.”

Kelen nodded. “Wouldn’t miss it.”

“Fantastic. Well, I think this settles our current business. I’ll let you rest as you no doubt are tired from the long trip. Merlin, would you help Kelen settle in, until his servant arrives?”

“Of course.” Merlin answered. Kelen’s smile was weirdly big.

“Come on Merlin. Let me show you my room. It’s huge.”

Merlin grinned. “I’ve seen Arthur’s room. Trust me, nothing surprises me anymore.”

“We shall see.” Kelen answered and walked away. Merlin glanced at Arthur, but he was busy staring at the wall and didn’t say anything so Merlin just left after Kelen.

His room was big, he got that right. Not bigger than Arthur’s, but bigger than other guest rooms. As soon as he was in he climbed on the bed and started jumping up and down. “This is fun!” he said, grinning like a maniac.

Merlin sighed and sat down on a chair. “You’re going to break it.”

Kelen laughed. “So? Come on, tell me something about you. You’re probably more interesting than me.”

“I highly doubt it. I’m a servant.”

“Yes, but you’re Arthur’s servant.”

“So?”

“There is a reason he switches them every couple of months. They either make mistakes or get too involved with him, if you know what I mean.”

Merlin’s mouth dropped open. “What?”

Kelen grinned and jumped off the bed. “Yeah, didn’t you know? Don’t worry, it’s not a big deal. At least, not when your father is the most powerful man in Camelot. Learned that lesson the hard way.”

“That’s why you got banned?”

“I’m assuming Arthur told you about my abilities.” Merlin nodded. “And I’m also assuming he said he wanted to protect me from Uther?” Merlin nodded again. “Well, bloody hell, he sure knows how to lie. No, my dear, he had Uther ban me because I was making him feel things he didn’t want to feel. Surely, he’s over it now. If not, then, I feel sorry for you.”

“Why?”

“Because I know how he acts when he’s in love. We were best friends and I saw this a lot. There was this girl in one of the villages that came here to help in the kitchens for a few months. Arthur was smitten with her. Would have given her the world if she would have asked. And just a few short weeks after, Uther was throwing her out on the street for giving him an uncooked meal even though the girl was just bringing the food, not actually cooking it.”

“Oh, wow.”

“Mother was scandalized when she heard I was banned. She wanted to raise hell on Camelot, but father managed to calm her down. Look, I’m not trying to scare you. All this happened years ago. I’m sure things have changed. Arthur has grown, Uther is getting older. Things are not the same. But I didn’t want you to be here without having all the facts.”

Merlin nodded, feeling slightly numb. “Merlin?!” he heard Arthur shout outside on the corridor.

“You’d better go. The boss is calling.”

“Yes. Well, I’ll see you around, Kelen.”

Kelen waved and Merlin left to find Arthur. He was waiting in front of Kelen’s chamber. “Yes?” Merlin asked. Arthur looked at him in a weird way, then motioned for Merlin to follow him.

“I need you to wash my clothes, make my bed, scrub my boots and dust the furniture.”

Merlin nodded. That was a typical day for him working for Prince Arthur. Of course, usually Merlin was alone in the room when he was doing his chores. This time, Arthur chose to stay and do some work at his desk while Merlin dusted the furniture, going as far as to check Merlin’s handiwork and suggest improvement. Merlin liked spending time with Arthur, but on days like that he was so happy to escape to the laundry room.

 

“Merlin, I need you to mix these ingredients until they are soft and creamy and then ground these bulbs.” Gaius said when Merlin walked inside.

“Oh, hello Merlin. How are you? Fine, thank you for asking. You? I’m fine too.” Merlin said sarcastically.

Gaius grinned. “Bad day?”

“Arthur’s in one of his moods. I swear, he’s worse than a woman.”

Gaius sighed. “Yes, I suppose he does have to deal with a lot right now.”

“That’s no excuse, Gaius.” Merlin said and then sighed. “Give me the bowl.”

Working with Gaius was one of Merlin’s favorite chores. Gaius was a good teacher and kept telling Merlin interesting stories from his past while they worked. It made him feel closer to Gaius, like he was part of the family and not just a kid Gaius was teaching until he left Camelot.

“Are you alright?” Gaius asked after a moment of silence and Merlin realized he had zoned out. He gave Gaius the bowl and he started chopping up some leaves.

“Yes.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, Gaius. I’m just thinking. I don’t know what to make of Kelen and this whole situation with Arthur. I feel out of my league. I feel like I don’t belong in this world. Everyone knows their place and what they need to do and I don’t. I wasn’t even aware I had a destiny before I met the dragon. I wasn’t aware of so many things while I was in Ealdor. I used to think of myself as pretty intelligent and informed about the world I lived in, but I just realized that I only knew a fraction of what really happened. I feel like I’m not made for this.”

“My dear, I think you are the only one for this. It’s natural to be feeling so overwhelmed.”

 

That evening, Arthur’s mood continued to annoy Merlin to Heaven and back. Arthur was rude, snapped a lot at him and criticized everything Merlin did. It drove Merlin crazy.

“Alright! Enough is enough.” Merlin yelled after the fifteenth time Arthur was rude to him. “What’s wrong with you?” Arthur sighed and deflated almost immediately. He looked worn out, like he was waiting for Merlin to comment so he could let go. Merlin’s gaze softened and he put a hand on Merlin. “Is this about Kelen?”

Arthur nodded. “It’s not what you think.”

“What do I think? Because I don’t know what to think. You’re not telling me anything. I have to draw the words out of you by force, almost. I’m going to ask you something and I want you to be very honest with me.” Arthur nodded, somewhat reluctantly. “Did you have Kelen banished because you had feelings for him?” Arthur nodded again. Merlin left the room.

He didn’t intend to. He just couldn’t be in the same room with a man who almost ruined another man’s life because of his selfish reasons. Uther could have done much worse to Kelen than just banish him. He could have had him imprisoned, or worse. Arthur had been reckless. Rushed. Maybe he thought he was doing something good. Maybe he had been selfish. Merlin didn’t care at that point. He needed to get away.

He walked down a few corridors, trying to be seen in as same places as possible just in case Arthur was going to look for him, then made his way to Kelen’s room.

“Hello there!” Kelen greeted him as he entered. He was hanging from the bed’s ceiling, holding on to the railing with his legs.

“Let’s go out. I need to not be here right now.”

“Arthur?”

“Yes.”

“Understood. Your wish is my command. You want to ride?”

“Let’s walk.”

“Fine with me.”

 

Kelen was a good walking companion. He knew when to talk and when to shut up and listen. He didn’t ask Merlin what was his problem with Arthur and didn’t try to offer any help. Merlin appreciated it. He wasn’t sure he knew what kind of help he needed. Kelen managed to distract Merlin’s attention enough for his head to clear and when they returned to Camelot, he was already feeling better and on top of the situation.

“Are you alright?” Kelen asked, when they stopped in front of Gaius’s chambers.

Merlin nodded. “Yes. I don’t know a lot about Arthur, but what I do know is that I’m not like his other servants. I have a purpose here in Camelot and I like to finish what I started.”

Kelen grinned. “Well, I wish you good luck with that. And today was nice. I hope we can repeat the experience.”

Merlin nodded and got inside. And nearly had a heart attack when he saw Arthur lounging on a chair, looking like he owned the place. Which was true, but Merlin saw no reason for Arthur to rub it in his face. “Hello. Had a pleasant walk?” Arthur’s voice was dripping with sarcasm.

“Wonderful, thank you.” Merlin shot back, heading towards his room and slamming the door behind him. That did nothing to deter Arthur who barged in uninvited.

“Why did you leave like that?” Arthur asked.

“Because I didn’t want to say something I was going to regret later. Because you risked someone’s life for your own selfish reasons. And don’t give me the age reason. I’m at your age back then and I wouldn’t do it. Because I care way too much about things I shouldn’t even think about.”

Arthur took two steps forward and Merlin stopped talking. He couldn’t read what he saw in Arthur’s eyes, but something in him got a little scared. “I’m not proud of that. Actually, I’m not proud of a lot of the things that I’ve done in the past. That’s one of the reasons I worked so hard to convince my father to lift the ban. That’s why I’m trying so hard to make Chryseus see that an alliance with Camelot brings more problems that it’s worth. I’m trying to make amends. I know it’s unforgivable. But I want to at least try to lessen the pain of what I did.” Merlin looked down and sighed. Arthur put two fingers under his chin and lifted his head up. “I’m sorry I lied to you. I was scared. I didn’t want you to know me as the person I was before. I wanted you to know me as I am now. Not perfect, but better.”

“I don’t need to see a different version of you. I want to see you. The real you.”


	11. Kiss Me Awake and Don't Let Me Go

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Remember that line I was talking about?” Merlin whispered. Arthur nodded. “We’re about to cross it.”  
> “I don’t care.” Arthur replied.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooo, it's been a hot minute. I'm not gonna try and find excuses, i'm shit at planning so yeah. Here's a chapter.

The next morning Merlin woke up with Arthur sitting at the other end of his bed, staring at the window. He nearly jumped out of his skin when he saw him and dragged the covers up to his chin, almost sending Arthur tumbling down on the floor in all his royal grace.

“Arthur!” Merlin screamed, half in shock, half in rage. “What are you doing here?”

Arthur lifted himself off the bed and grinned. “It’s my castle, Merlin. I’m allowed to go wherever I please.”

“Not here.” Merlin said. He felt the need to cross his arms over his chest in an attempt to look domineering, but he couldn’t do that without dropping the covers. His lack of a shirt would put their delicate friendship under ever more strain. He flashed back to the last time Arthur barged in when he was in a similar situation. “Here, you knock before you enter. Rules of the room.”

Arthur rolled his eyes. “Fine.” He went outside, waited a few moments and knocked.

“Yes?” Merlin asked, enjoying how big his hold over Arthur was.

“It’s Arthur. May I come in?”

“Just a second.” Merlin called, putting a shirt on. He could feel Arthur’s annoyance from across the room. He took his time opening the door. “Why, Prince Arthur, what an honor. Please, do come in.”

Arthur rolled his eyes, entered the room and sat down back on the bed. “As I intended to say before I was rudely interrupted by your antics, my father wants me to take Bree out tomorrow. I would much rather do other things, however, I should at least try to get to know her.”

“You make it sound like such a chore.”

“It is. Father also wants for you to double your training. He says you are improving nicely, but he wants you to be ready faster. I happen to agree.”

“Why?”

“Since when does the king need a motive for anything?”

“Not the king, Arthur. Why do you agree? You didn’t even want me to train at the beginning.”

“That is true.”

“So why the rush?”

Arthur sighed. “We heard of some … disturbances down south a few weeks ago. Some lesser kings are not satisfied with their current situations regarding the land division and we might have a coup on our hands. Father and I believe that, should a rebellion occur, you would be safer if you knew how to properly train yourself. I expressed concerns regarding you free time since you would probably have none and, should you consider you can’t cope with everything, we’ll find another servant to help you out with some chores.”

Merlin’s mouth dropped open. “You’re giving me, a servant? Me?”

Arthur smiled. “Don’t look so shocked. Lesser people than you have acquired servants before. And it is only a last resort measure.”

Merlin nodded and looked away, suddenly feeling very exposed even though he was wearing proper clothes. He couldn’t help but wonder if Arthur would have been as generous if he didn’t like Merlin.

“Are we ghosting over what happened yesterday night?” Merlin asked. “Just so I know to not bring it up again.”

Arthur sighed. “I’ve said it before and I will say it again. I’m not proud of who I was before. When Kelen first came to Camelot, I was quite taken with him. He’s quite the charmer as I’m sure you’ve noticed. He always knows what to say and do. He made me feel very normal. He took the pressure of. I wasn’t Prince Arthur when I was with him. I was just Arthur. And it felt good. It felt refreshing. But it got dangerous. I started dreaming about running away and hiding and forever. And that is not possible for me.” He made a gesture that encompassed the entirety of Merlin’s chamber. “This is not possible for me. What’s out there … Briseis, Selena, that ice of a woman, that is what awaits me at the other end of this doors.”

“Would it be foolish of me to ask of you to stay then?” Merlin half joked.

Arthur smiled a sad smile. “You have no idea how much I want to. But I’m a prince. I don’t get what I want. And I shouldn’t complain. I got Briseis. Imagine if I had to marry Freya.”

Merlin grinned. “Catastrophic. Cannot even picture it.”

“See? I should at least be thankful for that.”

Merlin nodded. “So what’s in the books for Prince Arthur tomorrow?”

Arthur shrugged. “This day is reserved solely for Briseis, I’m afraid. As is yours. You will be accompanying us.”

“Why? I don’t really fancy seeing you two be cozy with each other.”

“Because I need you.” Arthur answered simply. “I wake up and the first thing that comes through my mind is whether you have woken up already or not. Should I summon you because I want your face to be the first thing I see in the morning? Or should I let you sleep a little longer hoping that maybe you are dreaming of me and not wanting to ruin it.”

“I do.” Merlin said, hugging his knees and putting his chin on them. Arthur looked younger in only a shirt and pants and with tousled hair.

“What?”  
”Dream of you. All the time. You in bed, in training, on the throne. It’s driving me mad, really. Sometimes I wish I could get you out of my head because I know nothing’s going to come out of it and I will just get hurt.”

“How do you know that? That nothing’s going to come out of it.”

“I know. It doesn’t matter whether you are the prince or the king. You don’t have free will. You know that. You have to do what is best for your people without thinking about yourself. I used to dream about being a prince when I was younger. I would have a big room with servants and all the things I wanted. People would bow down in front of me and everyone would be respectful. But right now, I don’t want to be in your shoes. Not about Bree. I would honestly like to take your place when it came to her. But with your duties as prince and future king. Half the time I don’t know how you do it. I would crack under pressure.”

“You get used to it.” Arthur said, shrugging. Merlin wanted to add something, but that was when a scream pierced the morning silence. They both stood up at once and exited Gaius’s chambers.

The scream came from the throne room. Kelen and his parents, along with the Ferreirra family where all there. Uther was kneeling next to a servant girl, whispering in her year. Morgana was on her knees in front of the girl, holding her hands and rubbing soothing circles on her palms.

“Tell me what happened. No one will harm you, I promise you.”

“I … I don’t even … I don’t know. I don’t know how to explain.”

“I do.” a voice came from behind Merlin. He half turned and saw a young man of around 26-27 walk inside the throne room like he owned the place.

Uther rose and inclined his head a little at the stranger. “Aredian. You came.”

“Uther. You called.” Aredian said, smiling. That smile did nothing to warm Merlin. It was colder than a winter night. Aredian bowed his head at Uther’s guests and at Arthur. Uther turned back to the young girl. Aredian’s eyes roamed the room, passed Merlin and then quickly returned. Merlin saw interest flair in his irises. Aredian smiled at Merlin and the young warlock felt obliged to return it.

“Are you saying you saw magic?” Uther said then and Merlin almost broke his neck from how fast his head turned.

“I’m afraid the young girl is right. My presence here is no coincidence. I have detected large amounts of magic being performed right in this castle.

Merlin swallowed thickly and kept his face calm. He couldn’t give anything away. Aredian looked dangerous. He caught Gaius’s eye from across the room. His look was one of warning.

“I am appalled that such a thing is happening right under my nose. Measures must be taken.” Uther demanded.

“And I will take them, my king.”

Merlin looked at Kelen. He seemed calm, but his eyes told a different story. He was frightened. Just as Merlin was about to look away, Kelen turned and saw him. Merlin attempted a courageous smile, but it seemed forced. Kelen still smiled back, gratefully.

“How?”

“Don’t you worry. Leave that part to me.” Aredian said. “Arthur, may I borrow your manservant? Mine disappointed me greatly on our way here and I had to dispose of him. I shall look for a new one tomorrow.

“Yes, you may.” Arthur said cordially even though his eyes told a different story.

“I am most humbled. Merlin, it is? Will you follow me? I have need of your assistance.”

Merlin nodded and followed the strange man outside. He didn’t dare look back at Arthur but he could feel his gaze piercing through his back drilling holes into Aredian for daring to take Merlin away.

“So, Merlin, what does it feel like to be Prince Arthur’s manservant?”

“Very rewarding, my lord. I have learned a great deal.”

“Please, call me Aredian. There is no need for formality with me. I am, just like you, a servant. Of justice and morality.”

“Alright. Aredian, if you don’t mind me asking, what is your purpose here?”

“Just following some hunches my dear boy. I’m the Witchfinder.” he announced proudly.

Merlin’s blood froze in his veins. He heard of the Witchfinder. He was notorious for his violent side and hate for magic. His parents were killed by a warlock when he was just a boy and he now hated magic with a passion, similar to all who have lost family members because of magic.

“Oh.”

“I take it you have heard of me.”

“You are somewhat of a legend.”

Aredian smiled. “Yes. I am.” And that was the end of the conversation about it. Merlin spent the rest of the day helping Aredian put his belongings in cupboards and dressers and then politely asked if he could take his leave as he had other duties to attend to.

“Arthur is overworking you. Nevertheless, he is the prince so I shouldn’t comment on it.” Merlin nodded. “Would you like to accompany me on a walk through the village tomorrow?”

“Unfortunately, I can’t. I have to join Arthur and his future bride on their walk. Perks of the job, I guess.”

“Pity. I was really looking forward to it.”

Merlin blinked. He didn’t know if he was reading this wrong, but was Aredian taking a fancy to him? “Indeed.” Merlin said, remaining neutral. He said goodbye and left Aredian alone. He stopped by Arthur’s room to check if he needed anything.

“Do you count?” Arthur replied, trying to make a joke.

Merlin fluttered his eyelash. “My lord, I would never.” he whispered. He relished in Arthur’s sharp intake of breath and his slightly shaking hands and knowing Bree would never cause this reaction in Arthur. The older boy took two steps forward until he was inches away from Merlin. Merlin’s breath hitched and his had to force himself to not reach out for Arthur.

“Dear God.” Arthur sighed.

Merlin wasn’t sure what Arthur was asking of God. Dear God stop me? Dear God forgive me? His heart was pounding in his chest and he wished he had the courage to erase the few inches of space between them.

Arthur seemed to know what was on his mind better than him. He moved forward and suddenly his lips were touching Merlin’s and he moaned at the feeling of soft, cherry taste. Arthur kissed him with years of experience, taking the breath right out of Merlin’s mouth with his tongue and then his hands were under Merlin’s shirt teasing the little strip of flesh he could touch. Merlin’s hands went to Arthur’s hair, reveling in it’s softness and pulled hard. Arthur’s moan went straight to Merlin’s groin. He pulled again with one hand, while the other pressed lightly on the light bulge beneath Arthur’s pants. Arthur broke the kiss and leaned his head back, enjoying the feelings and breathing hard. Merlin took advantage of that to place a kiss on the sensitive flesh below his neck, dragging his teeth down and biting lightly at the base and running his . Arthur’s knees shook and he grabbed the railing behind him to steady himself.

“Remember that line I was talking about?” Merlin whispered. Arthur nodded. “We’re about to cross it.”

“I don’t care.” Arthur replied. And spent the rest of the night showing Merlin how much he didn’t care.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leave me a comment and tell me what you think :)


End file.
